As 2019 comes to a close, I find myself in a good place. At least I'm choosing to see it that way.
I've started my new role at my company, which is a lot like my old role, but with new business dynamics, new people, and new things to learn. It helps that my recent activity has benefited my reputation....now I just have the pressure of continuing to do well.
My weight is down - this will be my first year dropping weight in the last 4. I have momentum, too, and a plan for keeping that momentum going into the new year.
I've also set some objectives for the new year that I'm looking forward to - speaking at a conference, running a half-Ironman, and getting some traveling in as my kids go off to school.
That said, there are always places for improvement. My nutrition discipline, my strength and flexibility training, and my running / cycling speed could all use some work in the new year. With a little discipline and luck, I'll get into a virtuous cycle which would have me below 200 lbs, and below 10:30 / mile before the end of June.
As I set my goals for 2020, blogging regularly will be one of them. I did better in 2019, maybe even regular for 2020.
Tuesday, December 31, 2019
Monday, December 23, 2019
The Ice Melts
It's been a good month, actually a better month than I expected at its beginning, but volatile at the same time.
Maybe I'll blame the weather. For December, it really can't make up it's mind. We had a terrific warm day when I went and ran comfortably in shorts, followed up quickly by a snow storm, an ice storm, and a multi-day deep freeze from which we are only now emerging. Today, it was over 50 degrees, so I went running in shorts today, much less comfortably.
But the ice is melting now, and so, I fear, is my resolve. After a few weeks of good nutrition discipline and many workouts, I am starting to slip as the Christmas holiday approaches. It doesn't help that even my own house is filling with cookies and other seasonal treats, or that my stress level has increased at work a good bit. I am hopeful, however, that this is *very* temporary - like December 26th type of temporary (it's the 23rd today).
I need to get into January with some momentum to get beyond the yearend close and hold fast to my "New Year Goals" for a few weeks. After that, Lent begins at the end of February, which is normally a good time for me to keep myself in check. That will help me ride through the busy February - April timeframe, and if all goes well, I could drop another 10 pounds by my birthday. That would be worth celebrating, but I've got to work at it to get there.
New job is okay. Same as the old job, only different people. That's okay - I know how to run this type of show, even if the script and the cast are a bit different. My outside 'obligations' are starting to fall away, with Scouting having taken a back seat, and my responsibilities at church coming to an end in a couple of months due to term limits. I (as always) fear that Father Prince will have something else in store for me to do, but I'm also looking into town governance as a potential outlet. I'm attending Board of Finance and Board of Selectmen meetings, and I plan to start going to my local political party meetings. Yes, I'm a Republican, but not a Trump supporter, so don't hate me :-).
The other thing on my mind is planning for 2020. I really don't know how I want to approach this year. Normally, I'd be all excited about races I want to do, or trips I want to take. But with my running having changed the way it has (My stamina is weak and my speed is very slow), I'm less excited about this upcoming year. Perhaps it's time to move from the racing scene into something more....zen? Making running about just running for it's sake sounds like a good idea, but also sounds like it might be the beginning of the end of a running career for me. I'm not ready to give up yet, and I'm hopeful that a little weight loss puts some swing into my step, but it's going to take time for that to happen.
I've been patient before, and managed to get really healthy and fast. My body is 10 years older than it was then, however, and I'm not sure fast is in my future vocabulary, but healthy? That sure can be.
Maybe I'll blame the weather. For December, it really can't make up it's mind. We had a terrific warm day when I went and ran comfortably in shorts, followed up quickly by a snow storm, an ice storm, and a multi-day deep freeze from which we are only now emerging. Today, it was over 50 degrees, so I went running in shorts today, much less comfortably.
But the ice is melting now, and so, I fear, is my resolve. After a few weeks of good nutrition discipline and many workouts, I am starting to slip as the Christmas holiday approaches. It doesn't help that even my own house is filling with cookies and other seasonal treats, or that my stress level has increased at work a good bit. I am hopeful, however, that this is *very* temporary - like December 26th type of temporary (it's the 23rd today).
I need to get into January with some momentum to get beyond the yearend close and hold fast to my "New Year Goals" for a few weeks. After that, Lent begins at the end of February, which is normally a good time for me to keep myself in check. That will help me ride through the busy February - April timeframe, and if all goes well, I could drop another 10 pounds by my birthday. That would be worth celebrating, but I've got to work at it to get there.
New job is okay. Same as the old job, only different people. That's okay - I know how to run this type of show, even if the script and the cast are a bit different. My outside 'obligations' are starting to fall away, with Scouting having taken a back seat, and my responsibilities at church coming to an end in a couple of months due to term limits. I (as always) fear that Father Prince will have something else in store for me to do, but I'm also looking into town governance as a potential outlet. I'm attending Board of Finance and Board of Selectmen meetings, and I plan to start going to my local political party meetings. Yes, I'm a Republican, but not a Trump supporter, so don't hate me :-).
The other thing on my mind is planning for 2020. I really don't know how I want to approach this year. Normally, I'd be all excited about races I want to do, or trips I want to take. But with my running having changed the way it has (My stamina is weak and my speed is very slow), I'm less excited about this upcoming year. Perhaps it's time to move from the racing scene into something more....zen? Making running about just running for it's sake sounds like a good idea, but also sounds like it might be the beginning of the end of a running career for me. I'm not ready to give up yet, and I'm hopeful that a little weight loss puts some swing into my step, but it's going to take time for that to happen.
I've been patient before, and managed to get really healthy and fast. My body is 10 years older than it was then, however, and I'm not sure fast is in my future vocabulary, but healthy? That sure can be.
Thursday, December 5, 2019
The Exception day (that puts me back on my path)
Today was....not my best day. Not my worst either.
To recap - the last few weeks has been refreshing. I took a new job in my company, essentially doing the same thing I was doing, just for a different unit, but my predecessor hasn't left yet. As a result, I went from being the center of knowledge for my unit, to being an observer and absorber of knowledge for the new unit, without a lot of responsibility.
In short, it's been good for me. I was finally able to address a number of lagging issues, completed some education requirements, and started actually sleeping more, and working out more regularly than I have in months. My diet has been under control, thanks to the time and energy to make better decisions, I mentioned last night that I finally feel like I'm back on top of the pile of responsibility that has buried me for longer, and more deeply than I had realized.
Until today. Today I found out that my predecessor is leaving, and soon. Like - tomorrow. So I spent today learning the last of what he had to tell me (although I will have access to him in the future) and getting ready to take over fully on Monday. My reaction, though, was momentarily one of panic. I don't know why - I am totally ready for this, and despite enjoying the past few weeks, I'm ready to be back 'in the game'.
That reaction really surprised me, and about an hour after being told, I felt like I needed a drink, or my equivalent, a sugar boost. That set off a chain reaction that dragged me down today, and I felt just the slightest taste of what being an alcoholic might be like. I actually said to myself that I wanted 'a meeting' as I've heard people say on TV, but candidly, they haven't stated a local chapter of 'cookieholics anonymous' yet.
While I did not go off the deep end (which would involve many many types of dessert-like substances), I also did not deliver the type of day I wanted.
This can either be an aberration, or it could be a renewal of the poor behaviors that have plagued me for the past few years. I'm hoping (and determined) to make it the former. I've been working too hard (and been successful) for the past 30 days to let anything derail me. I've got to take this opportunity to reorient my life and work habits around new directions.
I kicked off a 30 day project about two weeks ago, keeping myself on the straight and narrow. Today I broke 3 of the 6 principles I'm trying to follow. Tomorrow will be a better day.
To recap - the last few weeks has been refreshing. I took a new job in my company, essentially doing the same thing I was doing, just for a different unit, but my predecessor hasn't left yet. As a result, I went from being the center of knowledge for my unit, to being an observer and absorber of knowledge for the new unit, without a lot of responsibility.
In short, it's been good for me. I was finally able to address a number of lagging issues, completed some education requirements, and started actually sleeping more, and working out more regularly than I have in months. My diet has been under control, thanks to the time and energy to make better decisions, I mentioned last night that I finally feel like I'm back on top of the pile of responsibility that has buried me for longer, and more deeply than I had realized.
Until today. Today I found out that my predecessor is leaving, and soon. Like - tomorrow. So I spent today learning the last of what he had to tell me (although I will have access to him in the future) and getting ready to take over fully on Monday. My reaction, though, was momentarily one of panic. I don't know why - I am totally ready for this, and despite enjoying the past few weeks, I'm ready to be back 'in the game'.
That reaction really surprised me, and about an hour after being told, I felt like I needed a drink, or my equivalent, a sugar boost. That set off a chain reaction that dragged me down today, and I felt just the slightest taste of what being an alcoholic might be like. I actually said to myself that I wanted 'a meeting' as I've heard people say on TV, but candidly, they haven't stated a local chapter of 'cookieholics anonymous' yet.
While I did not go off the deep end (which would involve many many types of dessert-like substances), I also did not deliver the type of day I wanted.
This can either be an aberration, or it could be a renewal of the poor behaviors that have plagued me for the past few years. I'm hoping (and determined) to make it the former. I've been working too hard (and been successful) for the past 30 days to let anything derail me. I've got to take this opportunity to reorient my life and work habits around new directions.
I kicked off a 30 day project about two weeks ago, keeping myself on the straight and narrow. Today I broke 3 of the 6 principles I'm trying to follow. Tomorrow will be a better day.
Sunday, November 3, 2019
Burning 20 (or maybe 10)
A few days ago, I began what I hope to be a transformational project.
As anyone who reads this already knows, my fitness and my enthusiasm for my fitness have both gone downhill for the past several months. I'm now to the point where I actually dislike running like a non-runner would, and I avoid discussions of fitness and workouts because I am upset and unhappy about where I am versus where I used to be. More importantly, I'm unsatisfied with where I am fitness-wise versus where I want to be.
And really, it's not just about fitness - it's about health, and (yes) vanity. I'm not fitting into the clothes I once wore (like, a year ago) and my energy levels have plummeted. I am working out less often, less vigorously and less socially because it's not as fun as it used to be, or as fun as I want, and I'm embarrassed to workout with people I used to, because I'm larger, slower, and less fun to be with in my current state.
So enters "Burning 20", a clear copy of a program that a web-friend Adam Tinkoff introduced to me years ago. He and a bunch of followers decided to take a set target, in his case burning off 20 pounds through exercise and marathon training, and follow it through aggressively to completion. That's what I'm going to do.
It's not just going to be about exercise, though. It can't be, because my body is acclimated to a lot of exercise. I need to clean up my nutrition (which admittedly has been sub-standard for a while now) and change up my workouts. I've written a 60-day schedule to get started, which incorporates more swimming, strength training, and flexibility than I have done before. This should be enough to get me jumpstarted for the rest of the year, and if all works REALLY well, help me drop 6, 8, or maybe even 10 pounds this fall, and provide enough to keep me going through winter.
Now, I know what you're saying (if anyone actually reads this) - it's another project, another program that you're going to start and drop off quickly. Yeah, that may be true. But I've done three things to help me a bit more this time. First, I'm taking a new job at work. Hopefully it's going to be one that will involve less soul-crushing investment on my part, and will allow greater time flexibility than what I have now. That may be a pipe dream, but the team I'm joining is into their workouts, and they find time to do them, so there's hope.
Second, I joined the gym at work. I've been reluctant to do this in my current job, because the idea of getting out mid-day to workout was not palatable to my work style, but again, there are new options here, and I can set out my priorities from Day 1 with the new team.
Finally, I'm changing my approach to strength training. Specifically, rather than dread hour-long workouts, I'm chopping up the workouts into 15-20 minute sprints, with a plan to do one sprint every day / 2 days. This way, it's not such a burden, and I can always take 15 minutes at the end of the day in my basement to do a few things. I've even gotten my wife to accept that that's how its going to be (but of course, time will tell.). Building muscle mass and toning what I have are positive directions for my body and my metabolism.
This is going to take a long time. A really long time. Like, I'm expecting a year to actually drop 20 pounds. The first 5-10 should be a lot easier, and I'd like to see that done by Groundhog Day (90 days), but the next 10 will be hard. I've let my body relax for the past few years, and it's going to fight me on this - I can feel that already every day this has been going so far.
If anything, my summer training for the Half-Ironman reminded me that I can do hard things, and I can get them done. With some lifestyle changes and greater ownership of my work-life balance, I can do both hard things and great things.
As anyone who reads this already knows, my fitness and my enthusiasm for my fitness have both gone downhill for the past several months. I'm now to the point where I actually dislike running like a non-runner would, and I avoid discussions of fitness and workouts because I am upset and unhappy about where I am versus where I used to be. More importantly, I'm unsatisfied with where I am fitness-wise versus where I want to be.
And really, it's not just about fitness - it's about health, and (yes) vanity. I'm not fitting into the clothes I once wore (like, a year ago) and my energy levels have plummeted. I am working out less often, less vigorously and less socially because it's not as fun as it used to be, or as fun as I want, and I'm embarrassed to workout with people I used to, because I'm larger, slower, and less fun to be with in my current state.
So enters "Burning 20", a clear copy of a program that a web-friend Adam Tinkoff introduced to me years ago. He and a bunch of followers decided to take a set target, in his case burning off 20 pounds through exercise and marathon training, and follow it through aggressively to completion. That's what I'm going to do.
It's not just going to be about exercise, though. It can't be, because my body is acclimated to a lot of exercise. I need to clean up my nutrition (which admittedly has been sub-standard for a while now) and change up my workouts. I've written a 60-day schedule to get started, which incorporates more swimming, strength training, and flexibility than I have done before. This should be enough to get me jumpstarted for the rest of the year, and if all works REALLY well, help me drop 6, 8, or maybe even 10 pounds this fall, and provide enough to keep me going through winter.
Now, I know what you're saying (if anyone actually reads this) - it's another project, another program that you're going to start and drop off quickly. Yeah, that may be true. But I've done three things to help me a bit more this time. First, I'm taking a new job at work. Hopefully it's going to be one that will involve less soul-crushing investment on my part, and will allow greater time flexibility than what I have now. That may be a pipe dream, but the team I'm joining is into their workouts, and they find time to do them, so there's hope.
Second, I joined the gym at work. I've been reluctant to do this in my current job, because the idea of getting out mid-day to workout was not palatable to my work style, but again, there are new options here, and I can set out my priorities from Day 1 with the new team.
Finally, I'm changing my approach to strength training. Specifically, rather than dread hour-long workouts, I'm chopping up the workouts into 15-20 minute sprints, with a plan to do one sprint every day / 2 days. This way, it's not such a burden, and I can always take 15 minutes at the end of the day in my basement to do a few things. I've even gotten my wife to accept that that's how its going to be (but of course, time will tell.). Building muscle mass and toning what I have are positive directions for my body and my metabolism.
This is going to take a long time. A really long time. Like, I'm expecting a year to actually drop 20 pounds. The first 5-10 should be a lot easier, and I'd like to see that done by Groundhog Day (90 days), but the next 10 will be hard. I've let my body relax for the past few years, and it's going to fight me on this - I can feel that already every day this has been going so far.
If anything, my summer training for the Half-Ironman reminded me that I can do hard things, and I can get them done. With some lifestyle changes and greater ownership of my work-life balance, I can do both hard things and great things.
Monday, September 30, 2019
Another new beginning
One man's failure is another man's warm-up. Or dry run. Or dress rehearsal.
I'm calling a mulligan for September. Tomorrow is October. New beginnings; new opportunities.
.....but this time, maybe it's time I get some help, too.......
I'm calling a mulligan for September. Tomorrow is October. New beginnings; new opportunities.
.....but this time, maybe it's time I get some help, too.......
Sunday, September 22, 2019
Another Month, another Triathlon (but little else)
It's only been a month since my Ironman 70.3 race, but today, my wife and I decided to run the Westchester (Olympic Distance) Triathlon. It was.....not my best decision.
To recap the last month - I had a typical post-event recovery, in that I stopped exercising vigorously for a week, but continued to eat like I was working out hard every day. The few workouts I got in over the next two weeks were uninspiring, usually short and / or slow, and squeezed for time, so my head was never fully in the game. Add to that the stress of reorganizations at work, which meant a bit of extra effort required on my part, and it was an expectedly low-effort month. I justified it by saying I was trying to heal my foot, so I could get back to 'normal'.
But when my wife said she was registering, I was in. I mean, we were trained for a 70.3; this was only half that distance, so our 'leftover' training should be fine, right? I can get by and run a 3-plus hour race without any time or specific training.....
And the truth is, I could. Kristen had a mission to beat last year's race time, so she kept her training up, but I had nothing to prove, so I could just get out there and do my best, with no loss if I didn't. It was clear to me days ago that my time would not be good - if I kept up my paces from IM Maine, I would come in at 3:20; I'd be happy with 3:30, I figured.
Well, the race started, and I forgot to start my watch. During the swim, I managed to mis-sight a buoy, and had to get re-directed by a lifeguard (again). So I added some distance to the swim, adding a few minutes. transition went okay, but the hills on the bike seemed to sap all my energy, and about halfway through, I was ready to stop, and seriously considered not running the third leg. My speed was slow, and I was getting annoyed by every little obstacle, so this was not going to be my best race.
And that was before the run leg. That seemed to go bad from the start. I could *not* get my heart rate down to a normal level, and every time I ran, it would spike into the mid-160s (not a good place for me). Even walking, I struggled to get it below 140, and I prefer to get it below 130 before running again, as that helps me keep the spikes in check. After running the first hill (which my wife had said didn't exist), I knew this was not going to end well. After about 3 miles of a terrible run/walk, this became a walk/walk, and even that, I struggled to do.
But, I finished. That's the silver lining. I took over 3 1/2 hours to finish, but I got it done, set a benchmark for improvement, and learned *a lot* about myself. First, I am not recovering as well as I used to. Second: I have what it takes to do hard stuff. Third (and most important): I need to get myself back in shape. My stamina level is weak, my enthusiasm is low, and I'm putting more stress on my body than I need to.
It's time to change. I'm taking the next three months off of racing (ok, maybe a turkey trot 5K) and focusing on good nutrition, strength, and stamina. I'm going to try and get some speed back, while building up my long runs and rides again. My plan is to blog throughout this journey, but we'll see what happens.
To recap the last month - I had a typical post-event recovery, in that I stopped exercising vigorously for a week, but continued to eat like I was working out hard every day. The few workouts I got in over the next two weeks were uninspiring, usually short and / or slow, and squeezed for time, so my head was never fully in the game. Add to that the stress of reorganizations at work, which meant a bit of extra effort required on my part, and it was an expectedly low-effort month. I justified it by saying I was trying to heal my foot, so I could get back to 'normal'.
But when my wife said she was registering, I was in. I mean, we were trained for a 70.3; this was only half that distance, so our 'leftover' training should be fine, right? I can get by and run a 3-plus hour race without any time or specific training.....
And the truth is, I could. Kristen had a mission to beat last year's race time, so she kept her training up, but I had nothing to prove, so I could just get out there and do my best, with no loss if I didn't. It was clear to me days ago that my time would not be good - if I kept up my paces from IM Maine, I would come in at 3:20; I'd be happy with 3:30, I figured.
Well, the race started, and I forgot to start my watch. During the swim, I managed to mis-sight a buoy, and had to get re-directed by a lifeguard (again). So I added some distance to the swim, adding a few minutes. transition went okay, but the hills on the bike seemed to sap all my energy, and about halfway through, I was ready to stop, and seriously considered not running the third leg. My speed was slow, and I was getting annoyed by every little obstacle, so this was not going to be my best race.
And that was before the run leg. That seemed to go bad from the start. I could *not* get my heart rate down to a normal level, and every time I ran, it would spike into the mid-160s (not a good place for me). Even walking, I struggled to get it below 140, and I prefer to get it below 130 before running again, as that helps me keep the spikes in check. After running the first hill (which my wife had said didn't exist), I knew this was not going to end well. After about 3 miles of a terrible run/walk, this became a walk/walk, and even that, I struggled to do.
But, I finished. That's the silver lining. I took over 3 1/2 hours to finish, but I got it done, set a benchmark for improvement, and learned *a lot* about myself. First, I am not recovering as well as I used to. Second: I have what it takes to do hard stuff. Third (and most important): I need to get myself back in shape. My stamina level is weak, my enthusiasm is low, and I'm putting more stress on my body than I need to.
It's time to change. I'm taking the next three months off of racing (ok, maybe a turkey trot 5K) and focusing on good nutrition, strength, and stamina. I'm going to try and get some speed back, while building up my long runs and rides again. My plan is to blog throughout this journey, but we'll see what happens.
Monday, September 2, 2019
A (somewhat) eventful month
When last we tuned in, I was struggling with an injury, one that I was completely sure was going to sideline me for weeks. And this happened right when I was about to take a vacation from work for two weeks (something I haven't done in 25 years), which was supposed to be a key time for me to train hard, do some epic stuff like hike the Appalachian trail for a few days, and walk a marathon distance. All of that looked like it was out of the question, and I was worried about making it to the starting line of my Half-Ironman. ACK!
Well, part of all of that came true. I am injured, and remain so today. The MRI showed no break, no stress fracture, but a 'stress reaction' and a ganglion cyst at a joint between my toes. that I can deal with later Net net - my foot hurt, but if I wear my orthotics, (which I never do) and train sensibly only to the level I need, I would be okay. So...hiking on the AT was out (stepping on rocks felt like being stabbed in the foot), and my heavy training would have to be cut back a bit, but with some care, I would make it to race day.
That was then - this is now. I took my vacation and turned it into a staycation. Relaxed at home, but did some training, some work around the house (OK, painted one side of the house), and was still able to get in my near-marathon walk, although with some plan changes. Got in 25 miles, and oh, boy, the foot hurt after that, but I got through.
After another month of training, last week, I stepped up to the incoming tide in Old Orchard Beach, Maine, and ran my 2nd 70.3 Half-Ironman, this time with my wife well ahead of me in the race. In short, despite choppy ocean waters, worry about foot pain and a good bit of under-training, I finished over a minute better than the same race two years ago. All of the benefit was on the bike, and a little bit in transition, as both my swim and run were longer than last time. (The swim was 5 minutes longer than last time, but that's understandable given the 2'-5' waves - no one was happy about those!)
In the last week, I've reverse tapered, and today I ran.a 9-miler with a big hill which actually was a bit too much for me :-). But I did get in a swim and a couple of short, slow-ish bike rides, so my legs are starting to come underneath me. In another couple of weeks, I'll be better, which is good because my wife has her eyes set on another triathlon (Olympic distance, thank goodness) in a few weeks.
So what did I learn? First, as Douglas Adams reminds us: Don't Panic. Yes, I was injured, and yes, that might mean I was out of.a race, but it would not have been the worst thing to happen to me. Second: Talk to your Doctor. I've gone to my podiatrist a few times, so he knows me and my priorities. He knew not to tell me not to run, but rather, he worked to figure out a way to let me run. Third: Listen to your Doctor. He'd been telling me to use my orthotics, but it turns out I was using them wrong, which made them uncomfortable, so I didn't use them. Once he told me the right way, they're actually perfectly comfortable for running.
Finally: I'm stronger than I give myself credit for. Working a massive-overtime job (60 hours/week normally, 100 hours/week once a quarter), and doing my civic duties, I don't have nearly as much time to train as others do, and I need it, 'cause I have no talent, nor do I have an athlete's body. So yes, I'm at the back of the pack (back 15%), and yes, I'm really slow, and I have no chance to ever be on a podium, even in my age group in a small race, unless I can outlast everyone and just not die....like, ever. [I have a vision of only coming in 4th in the 80-89 age bracket in a race.]
But I do, and I do well. And if I can inspire others, then I also do good.
Well, part of all of that came true. I am injured, and remain so today. The MRI showed no break, no stress fracture, but a 'stress reaction' and a ganglion cyst at a joint between my toes. that I can deal with later Net net - my foot hurt, but if I wear my orthotics, (which I never do) and train sensibly only to the level I need, I would be okay. So...hiking on the AT was out (stepping on rocks felt like being stabbed in the foot), and my heavy training would have to be cut back a bit, but with some care, I would make it to race day.
That was then - this is now. I took my vacation and turned it into a staycation. Relaxed at home, but did some training, some work around the house (OK, painted one side of the house), and was still able to get in my near-marathon walk, although with some plan changes. Got in 25 miles, and oh, boy, the foot hurt after that, but I got through.
After another month of training, last week, I stepped up to the incoming tide in Old Orchard Beach, Maine, and ran my 2nd 70.3 Half-Ironman, this time with my wife well ahead of me in the race. In short, despite choppy ocean waters, worry about foot pain and a good bit of under-training, I finished over a minute better than the same race two years ago. All of the benefit was on the bike, and a little bit in transition, as both my swim and run were longer than last time. (The swim was 5 minutes longer than last time, but that's understandable given the 2'-5' waves - no one was happy about those!)
In the last week, I've reverse tapered, and today I ran.a 9-miler with a big hill which actually was a bit too much for me :-). But I did get in a swim and a couple of short, slow-ish bike rides, so my legs are starting to come underneath me. In another couple of weeks, I'll be better, which is good because my wife has her eyes set on another triathlon (Olympic distance, thank goodness) in a few weeks.
So what did I learn? First, as Douglas Adams reminds us: Don't Panic. Yes, I was injured, and yes, that might mean I was out of.a race, but it would not have been the worst thing to happen to me. Second: Talk to your Doctor. I've gone to my podiatrist a few times, so he knows me and my priorities. He knew not to tell me not to run, but rather, he worked to figure out a way to let me run. Third: Listen to your Doctor. He'd been telling me to use my orthotics, but it turns out I was using them wrong, which made them uncomfortable, so I didn't use them. Once he told me the right way, they're actually perfectly comfortable for running.
Finally: I'm stronger than I give myself credit for. Working a massive-overtime job (60 hours/week normally, 100 hours/week once a quarter), and doing my civic duties, I don't have nearly as much time to train as others do, and I need it, 'cause I have no talent, nor do I have an athlete's body. So yes, I'm at the back of the pack (back 15%), and yes, I'm really slow, and I have no chance to ever be on a podium, even in my age group in a small race, unless I can outlast everyone and just not die....like, ever. [I have a vision of only coming in 4th in the 80-89 age bracket in a race.]
But I do, and I do well. And if I can inspire others, then I also do good.
Saturday, July 20, 2019
Sidelined (well, temporarily)
It’s been a rough couple of weeks. As normal, the end of the financial quarter translates into a bunch of work for me. That’s okay - I’m used to that part.
But add to it the uncertainty of a reorganization at work at the same time I’m supposed to be taking over a new role, and work becomes an unusual source of extra stress for me.
And then - it happens. My injury. A pain in the ball of my foot that I know spells trouble. I’m in the middle of training for a half-Ironman, doing my running, biking, and swimming, and trying to get it all in during the busy time of work.
Maybe good timing, though. I’m working so much for the past two weeks, serious training is unlikely, so I decide to just rest. Very little running, but still good biking time.
Well, that didn’t help - as soon as my running started up again, so did the pain. Got some x-rays - no break. Called my podiatrist - he says no exercise until i can get an MRI. Now it’s supposed to be my long run and long ride weekend for my training, an instead, I’m on the couch, with an ice pack on my foot.
At some point, someone is going to tell me not to run for weeks at a time. I just hope that doesn’t come until September......
But add to it the uncertainty of a reorganization at work at the same time I’m supposed to be taking over a new role, and work becomes an unusual source of extra stress for me.
And then - it happens. My injury. A pain in the ball of my foot that I know spells trouble. I’m in the middle of training for a half-Ironman, doing my running, biking, and swimming, and trying to get it all in during the busy time of work.
Maybe good timing, though. I’m working so much for the past two weeks, serious training is unlikely, so I decide to just rest. Very little running, but still good biking time.
Well, that didn’t help - as soon as my running started up again, so did the pain. Got some x-rays - no break. Called my podiatrist - he says no exercise until i can get an MRI. Now it’s supposed to be my long run and long ride weekend for my training, an instead, I’m on the couch, with an ice pack on my foot.
At some point, someone is going to tell me not to run for weeks at a time. I just hope that doesn’t come until September......
Sunday, June 9, 2019
Where is Rock Bottom?
My progress this year can be summed up in one word: Uninspiring.
It feels like every time I start to make progress on a project, an issue comes up that throws off all the momentum I've built up, and sets me back farther than I was before I started.
I wish I could say this is only in one facet of my life, but it's hitting me from many directions. Work, fitness, nutrition, relationships, community involvement - it's all being affected by the setbacks that life brings.
This is coming at the end of a year of over-stress. OK, maybe make that a few years of over-stress, but all of my own making. I'm habituated to taking on more responsibilities than I can actually handle. A year ago, I was working a more-than-full-time job, an Assistant Scoutmaster in the BSA, President of my Parish Council, Race Director for a local 5K, leader for an international trip with 13 Scouts, and trying to manage my own personal life, including losing the 20 pounds that my doctor said I needed to lose if I wanted to prevent health problems in the future. Writing all of that down, I realize how much I was handling.
The good news - I got it all done last year. The bad news: I burned myself out, and I feel that - badly. I took some good actions - stepped back from Scouts after the big trip, handed off the 5K to another race director, didn't volunteer for the new 'big trip' this year. What did happen, however, was that work stresses took priority over just about everything else, as I turned over key staff, and found my own career potential threatened. As a result, my personal challenges (nutrition and fitness) have taken a back seat, and I've made no progress on those goals in a year.
Now it's the start of summer, I've committed to anotehr Ironman 70.3 Race which I'm hoping to use for inspiration for training and fitness. My wife is joining me on this adventure, which always helps. This morning, for example, we joined the local bike club on a 75K bike ride (47 miles). It was some quality together time, especially commiserating over her (slight) injury and my exhaustion afterwards.
But, my nutrition stinks. I have no momentum here, and I have lots working against me, including the recent addtiion of free snacks and soda at my office. M&Ms, right now, are my undoing. And it's not just the candy, but the way that it breaks my resolve. Eating other 'bad for me' things doesn't seem so bad once I'm off target for a day, and that just sets me off. My evenings are spent (often) regretting the actions I took during the day, and feeling bad about myself as a result.
What I need is a little momentum, and a lot of discipline, at least to get started. If I can manage to put together a few days of activity successes (workouts and avoiding less-than-ideal foods), I'll see momentum in my success metric (the scale) and this whole plan will build on itself.
It feels like every time I start to make progress on a project, an issue comes up that throws off all the momentum I've built up, and sets me back farther than I was before I started.
I wish I could say this is only in one facet of my life, but it's hitting me from many directions. Work, fitness, nutrition, relationships, community involvement - it's all being affected by the setbacks that life brings.
This is coming at the end of a year of over-stress. OK, maybe make that a few years of over-stress, but all of my own making. I'm habituated to taking on more responsibilities than I can actually handle. A year ago, I was working a more-than-full-time job, an Assistant Scoutmaster in the BSA, President of my Parish Council, Race Director for a local 5K, leader for an international trip with 13 Scouts, and trying to manage my own personal life, including losing the 20 pounds that my doctor said I needed to lose if I wanted to prevent health problems in the future. Writing all of that down, I realize how much I was handling.
The good news - I got it all done last year. The bad news: I burned myself out, and I feel that - badly. I took some good actions - stepped back from Scouts after the big trip, handed off the 5K to another race director, didn't volunteer for the new 'big trip' this year. What did happen, however, was that work stresses took priority over just about everything else, as I turned over key staff, and found my own career potential threatened. As a result, my personal challenges (nutrition and fitness) have taken a back seat, and I've made no progress on those goals in a year.
Now it's the start of summer, I've committed to anotehr Ironman 70.3 Race which I'm hoping to use for inspiration for training and fitness. My wife is joining me on this adventure, which always helps. This morning, for example, we joined the local bike club on a 75K bike ride (47 miles). It was some quality together time, especially commiserating over her (slight) injury and my exhaustion afterwards.
But, my nutrition stinks. I have no momentum here, and I have lots working against me, including the recent addtiion of free snacks and soda at my office. M&Ms, right now, are my undoing. And it's not just the candy, but the way that it breaks my resolve. Eating other 'bad for me' things doesn't seem so bad once I'm off target for a day, and that just sets me off. My evenings are spent (often) regretting the actions I took during the day, and feeling bad about myself as a result.
What I need is a little momentum, and a lot of discipline, at least to get started. If I can manage to put together a few days of activity successes (workouts and avoiding less-than-ideal foods), I'll see momentum in my success metric (the scale) and this whole plan will build on itself.
Sunday, May 5, 2019
Believe that you can, decide that you will
So it's now May 5th, and it's been two weeks since Easter. I'd like to say that I've made progress, but that would be factually inaccurate in all senses. This past week created some new significant challenges which I'll have to address in the near future.
On the positive side, I've run two races in the last two weeks, and that's kinda cool! Neither race went really well - the first was a trail 10K, and I finished in about 1:35, thanks to 1) being at the back of the pack from the start, 2) I'm undertrained, and 3) the calf-deep mud and the waist deep water were a challenge for everyone, that created delays as people tried to pick through the mud rather than just running through it.
The second was a 16 miler, in the form of a 5K followed by a half-marathon. I bailed on the 5K earlier this week, so I was only going to do the half, but after the week I had, I dropped from the half-marathon to the 7-mile version in the morning. This race was a rainy mess, and about 2 miles was in mud again. Only 1/2 mile in, I knew the day was not to be mine, and pulled it back to a slow jog to talk to my fellow runners today. 7 miles, 1:17, that's an 11:00 mile pace - not horrible, but not where I want to be.
And that leads to the week that was. On Monday, I found out that my boss was going to be fired....well, at least transferred to another area (same thing, trust me). And while he indicated that it wouldn't stop me from moving (I've been in my job for almost 5 years - a record for the position), the new boss immediately asked me to stay on for another 6 months to a year. That all set off a series of emotional roller coasters, terrible sleep (about 4 hours a night all week) and a load of stress on top of my normal stress load (it's not the most fun job, even though I'm really good at it). So no good workouts, no good sleep, no good peaceful downtime; it's been a rough time.
But, the past is the past. What do I do now? Well, I have 17 weeks until my Ironman, and between here and there, I have at least one 5K, a sprint triathlon, a (nother) quarter close, and other potential developments, both professional and personal (maybe more on those later, too). It's time for me to get rigorous in my training and nutrition, jettison a few side projects which are coming to completion during May, and put my priorities first, rather than always those of other people.
Can I do it? Yes, I'm sure I can. Will I do it? That's often another story......
On the positive side, I've run two races in the last two weeks, and that's kinda cool! Neither race went really well - the first was a trail 10K, and I finished in about 1:35, thanks to 1) being at the back of the pack from the start, 2) I'm undertrained, and 3) the calf-deep mud and the waist deep water were a challenge for everyone, that created delays as people tried to pick through the mud rather than just running through it.
The second was a 16 miler, in the form of a 5K followed by a half-marathon. I bailed on the 5K earlier this week, so I was only going to do the half, but after the week I had, I dropped from the half-marathon to the 7-mile version in the morning. This race was a rainy mess, and about 2 miles was in mud again. Only 1/2 mile in, I knew the day was not to be mine, and pulled it back to a slow jog to talk to my fellow runners today. 7 miles, 1:17, that's an 11:00 mile pace - not horrible, but not where I want to be.
And that leads to the week that was. On Monday, I found out that my boss was going to be fired....well, at least transferred to another area (same thing, trust me). And while he indicated that it wouldn't stop me from moving (I've been in my job for almost 5 years - a record for the position), the new boss immediately asked me to stay on for another 6 months to a year. That all set off a series of emotional roller coasters, terrible sleep (about 4 hours a night all week) and a load of stress on top of my normal stress load (it's not the most fun job, even though I'm really good at it). So no good workouts, no good sleep, no good peaceful downtime; it's been a rough time.
But, the past is the past. What do I do now? Well, I have 17 weeks until my Ironman, and between here and there, I have at least one 5K, a sprint triathlon, a (nother) quarter close, and other potential developments, both professional and personal (maybe more on those later, too). It's time for me to get rigorous in my training and nutrition, jettison a few side projects which are coming to completion during May, and put my priorities first, rather than always those of other people.
Can I do it? Yes, I'm sure I can. Will I do it? That's often another story......
Sunday, April 21, 2019
Easter 2019 - A time for new beginnings
Lent 2019 is now over, and it's time for me to set new objectives. Sadly, I think my new objectives are going to be about the same as the old ones!
Depending on how you look at it, this season was not great, or was 'just fine'. Having the quarter close (a very busy time for me), my own birthday, and a family vacation all hit in the middle of Lent threw me off my game, and prevented me from accomplishing my weight loss and training objectives. But, while the 'accounting' view of my weight would say that I didn't really lose anything, the 'economic' view would say that I didn't gain as much as I normally do during these periods, so it could be a success. For training - well, I'm just behind.
But that's the past. I'm focusing on the future. Coming up is the period I refer to as 'Re-Lent', where I commit to continuing the objectives of the past six weeks, and / or improving upon them. I've built a new training plan, committed to my nutrition, and secured the companionship of my wife on this journey, so the odds of success are higher.
I have two races in the next two weeks, then a triathlon in June, and finally the Father's Day 5K. After that, it's two months until my half-ironman, so I've got two 8-week 'sprints' to make some changes.
One of those changes will hopefully be a new job shortly as well. During vacation, I spent a lot of time thinking that it's time for me to stand up for myself a little more forcefully, which begins tomorrow in the office. That may blow back on me a bit, but I think I'd be okay with that right now. More details next week.
Depending on how you look at it, this season was not great, or was 'just fine'. Having the quarter close (a very busy time for me), my own birthday, and a family vacation all hit in the middle of Lent threw me off my game, and prevented me from accomplishing my weight loss and training objectives. But, while the 'accounting' view of my weight would say that I didn't really lose anything, the 'economic' view would say that I didn't gain as much as I normally do during these periods, so it could be a success. For training - well, I'm just behind.
But that's the past. I'm focusing on the future. Coming up is the period I refer to as 'Re-Lent', where I commit to continuing the objectives of the past six weeks, and / or improving upon them. I've built a new training plan, committed to my nutrition, and secured the companionship of my wife on this journey, so the odds of success are higher.
I have two races in the next two weeks, then a triathlon in June, and finally the Father's Day 5K. After that, it's two months until my half-ironman, so I've got two 8-week 'sprints' to make some changes.
One of those changes will hopefully be a new job shortly as well. During vacation, I spent a lot of time thinking that it's time for me to stand up for myself a little more forcefully, which begins tomorrow in the office. That may blow back on me a bit, but I think I'd be okay with that right now. More details next week.
Friday, March 29, 2019
Career Angst (Lies, Betrayal and emotional exhaustion)
Today was Friday, and lately, Fridays have been bad days for me at work. Today - today was no exception.
The work was normal, as it seems to be every Friday (maybe a little bit lighter than normal, actually). It's not the actual work, it's the career conversations.
Background: I've been in my role for 4 years and 8 months, in a company where people are expected to move every 2-3 years. I had a chance at the 3 year mark, but my leader persuaded me not to move, as he had something lined up which was a better job, and likely a faster path to promotion. However, nothing ever came of that. After six months, we talked about moving me, and he said he was looking for a role. Same thing six months later. And again.
Not that there has been a lot of movement at my level, but there's been enough to have moved me. In fact, I was seeing people I didn't think were so great moving into jobs that I would have wanted. So I wound up talking to our HR guy, who told me some truth - that I didn't have the sponsorship to make it to the next level, and while my leader thought I was great, no one else did. That discussion turned into a bad weekend.
So I decided to talk to another leader, who had a bit more control over the overall organization. That discussion wasn't much better. He actually indicated that I would need to step backwards for a few years before I could step forward. Another not good weekend thinking about (ok, obsessing) about that.
Earlier this week, I found out about a role that was opening, and it was one that I had told my boss I would like during our earlier discussions. Before I could talk the hiring manager, I found out the role was already filled. I spoke with that hiring manager today, who indicated that he had actually asked for me, and was told that I was not available to take the role.
So I now find myself in a strange predicament. My boss (at least tells me that he) believes I have talent, and should be promoted in my current organization. But his boss doesn't agree, and says I need to move (essentially) backwards first, so he's not going to promote me. And my boss doesn't agree with that assessment, so it appears he's not going to let me go to other promotable roles, either. IT's a bit of a catch-22 situation for me. Typical Friday.
But it's not. I'm not getting overly emotional about it. I'm not obsessing on it (other than writing this post), and I feel somehow liberated. Like I finally understand something about my situation that had not been clear. Don't get me wrong - I feel completely betrayed by my boss, and now understand that I don't think he is totally after my best interests. I'm working on my Monday reaction, which may amount to threatening to leave the company entirely unless someone starts treating me more fairly. But I'm going to be logical about it - more than I have been on prior weekends. In reality, I think I have just spent all of the emotional energy that I had on this topic.
The work was normal, as it seems to be every Friday (maybe a little bit lighter than normal, actually). It's not the actual work, it's the career conversations.
Background: I've been in my role for 4 years and 8 months, in a company where people are expected to move every 2-3 years. I had a chance at the 3 year mark, but my leader persuaded me not to move, as he had something lined up which was a better job, and likely a faster path to promotion. However, nothing ever came of that. After six months, we talked about moving me, and he said he was looking for a role. Same thing six months later. And again.
Not that there has been a lot of movement at my level, but there's been enough to have moved me. In fact, I was seeing people I didn't think were so great moving into jobs that I would have wanted. So I wound up talking to our HR guy, who told me some truth - that I didn't have the sponsorship to make it to the next level, and while my leader thought I was great, no one else did. That discussion turned into a bad weekend.
So I decided to talk to another leader, who had a bit more control over the overall organization. That discussion wasn't much better. He actually indicated that I would need to step backwards for a few years before I could step forward. Another not good weekend thinking about (ok, obsessing) about that.
Earlier this week, I found out about a role that was opening, and it was one that I had told my boss I would like during our earlier discussions. Before I could talk the hiring manager, I found out the role was already filled. I spoke with that hiring manager today, who indicated that he had actually asked for me, and was told that I was not available to take the role.
So I now find myself in a strange predicament. My boss (at least tells me that he) believes I have talent, and should be promoted in my current organization. But his boss doesn't agree, and says I need to move (essentially) backwards first, so he's not going to promote me. And my boss doesn't agree with that assessment, so it appears he's not going to let me go to other promotable roles, either. IT's a bit of a catch-22 situation for me. Typical Friday.
But it's not. I'm not getting overly emotional about it. I'm not obsessing on it (other than writing this post), and I feel somehow liberated. Like I finally understand something about my situation that had not been clear. Don't get me wrong - I feel completely betrayed by my boss, and now understand that I don't think he is totally after my best interests. I'm working on my Monday reaction, which may amount to threatening to leave the company entirely unless someone starts treating me more fairly. But I'm going to be logical about it - more than I have been on prior weekends. In reality, I think I have just spent all of the emotional energy that I had on this topic.
Family Success!
Last week, I sat down to write about the successes in my family. My son, whose lack of talent in art was only eclipsed by his lack of interest, has apparently won an art contest in our state. It's computer-aided art (and he's very good with computers), but given the amount of time he claims to have worked on the project, no one was more surprised than he was that he won.
Add to that my wife (also not an art prodigy, by the way), completed her 12th marathon, and notched up an age-group award in one of the hilliest and windiest races I have ever seen. She beat her stated objective time (I think she had a goal to be faster) and her recovery this week has been really good, in that she listened to her body and took it a bit easier than normal.
I wish I had said all of that last week - I was just so proud of both of them, as well as my other son, who is doing well in college this year.
But I was tired.
Now you know.
Add to that my wife (also not an art prodigy, by the way), completed her 12th marathon, and notched up an age-group award in one of the hilliest and windiest races I have ever seen. She beat her stated objective time (I think she had a goal to be faster) and her recovery this week has been really good, in that she listened to her body and took it a bit easier than normal.
I wish I had said all of that last week - I was just so proud of both of them, as well as my other son, who is doing well in college this year.
But I was tired.
Now you know.
Sunday, March 17, 2019
10 Days, and 13.1 Miles Later
We're now a week and a half into Lent, and while I've been taking it a bit more seriously than in the past, I've also had my share of slips and 'thoughtless' actions. Given this year was supposed to be about me being intentional about a number of facets of my life, that means I haven't been the best version of myself that I've tried to be.
But I'm trying.
Case in point (and the cause of some slips last week) was today's race. I ran the New York City Half-Marathon this morning. The past two weeks have been so busy at work and my community involvement, that morning workouts were rare, and night workouts are just harder to arrange and execute. So I went into this race undertrained and undermotivated, and the results were underwhelming.
What bothers me more now (and did last week, too) was that I used this race to justify some 'bad' behavior - poor nutrition, lighter workouts, and advocating some responsibilities that I need not have shed (or ignored). That last bit includes family, with whom I feel i have been spending far too little time lately. Not that they need me around (or want me around, for that matter), but I want to be with them.....they're the reason I do all I do, and if I don't get to share lives with them, then I'm not sure I see the point of the sacrifices I do make.
Week two of Lent begins tomorrow (and Spring starts on Wednesday!) Recognizing my weakness during the past few days, and remembering the strong start to the season, I am recommitting myself to thoughtfulness, presence in the moment, discipline and commitment. If I am to make permanent change, I need to keep renewing those promises to myself.
But I'm trying.
Case in point (and the cause of some slips last week) was today's race. I ran the New York City Half-Marathon this morning. The past two weeks have been so busy at work and my community involvement, that morning workouts were rare, and night workouts are just harder to arrange and execute. So I went into this race undertrained and undermotivated, and the results were underwhelming.
What bothers me more now (and did last week, too) was that I used this race to justify some 'bad' behavior - poor nutrition, lighter workouts, and advocating some responsibilities that I need not have shed (or ignored). That last bit includes family, with whom I feel i have been spending far too little time lately. Not that they need me around (or want me around, for that matter), but I want to be with them.....they're the reason I do all I do, and if I don't get to share lives with them, then I'm not sure I see the point of the sacrifices I do make.
Week two of Lent begins tomorrow (and Spring starts on Wednesday!) Recognizing my weakness during the past few days, and remembering the strong start to the season, I am recommitting myself to thoughtfulness, presence in the moment, discipline and commitment. If I am to make permanent change, I need to keep renewing those promises to myself.
Wednesday, March 6, 2019
The Start of 40 days
Forty days can seem like a long time.....and in a lot of ways, it is. Six weeks. A month and a half. Enough time that before it's over, we'll change the clocks, pass into Spring, and I'll do another quarter close, and have a birthday on the way. Forty days.
They say it only takes 27 days to make a new habit, or break an old one. I'm not convinced about that - I've made new habits in much shorter time, and I broke my diet soda habit almost instantly almost six months ago. Other habits just haven't seemed to stick at all, even after months (months!) of repetition. There's always something that can derail you or keep you on track, and I can find both when I'm looking.
But now, it's time for Forty days.
If that reference isn't familiar, then you're not alone. It wasn't familiar to me all that long ago, either. It's a turn of phrase in the Bible meant to indicate a long time, and in this case, it's the time that Jesus wandered the desert, being tempted by the devil, prior to returning to Jerusalem to accept death on a cross.
In modern times, 40 days represents the Christian period of Lent, a time of remembrance of Christ's days in the desert. It can also be a time of introspection, of looking at the world and yourself and assessing the areas of your life that just aren't living up to the promises you've made to yourself.
In the past, I've taken this season a bit seriously, using Lent as an 'excuse' to get my body back in shape after a difficult winter. Usually it works; last year, it didn't. In truth, it was a miserable failure because I just wasn't committed, and that attitude persisted for the rest of the year last year, and into 2019.
This year, I'm trying to approach Lent from a different perspective. It's not just going to be about my physical well-being, but my emotional and spiritual as well. This past year has been harder than most, and I'm feeling the cumulative effect of many of the decisions I've made in the past few years. From the nature of my work to my family relationships and the obligations I've taken up in my community, I've been off from the right direction.
Not wildly off, mind you - an outsider looking at my life would say that I've got it all together. So I'm not complaining that I'm off the rails. I do feel, though, that the various facets of my life could achieve greater harmony, and that by trying to align them better, I can find more peace in my days.
So that's what my next 40 days will be about. Alignment, harmony, peace, and through those, success and happiness. I hope that others can find the same.
They say it only takes 27 days to make a new habit, or break an old one. I'm not convinced about that - I've made new habits in much shorter time, and I broke my diet soda habit almost instantly almost six months ago. Other habits just haven't seemed to stick at all, even after months (months!) of repetition. There's always something that can derail you or keep you on track, and I can find both when I'm looking.
But now, it's time for Forty days.
If that reference isn't familiar, then you're not alone. It wasn't familiar to me all that long ago, either. It's a turn of phrase in the Bible meant to indicate a long time, and in this case, it's the time that Jesus wandered the desert, being tempted by the devil, prior to returning to Jerusalem to accept death on a cross.
In modern times, 40 days represents the Christian period of Lent, a time of remembrance of Christ's days in the desert. It can also be a time of introspection, of looking at the world and yourself and assessing the areas of your life that just aren't living up to the promises you've made to yourself.
In the past, I've taken this season a bit seriously, using Lent as an 'excuse' to get my body back in shape after a difficult winter. Usually it works; last year, it didn't. In truth, it was a miserable failure because I just wasn't committed, and that attitude persisted for the rest of the year last year, and into 2019.
This year, I'm trying to approach Lent from a different perspective. It's not just going to be about my physical well-being, but my emotional and spiritual as well. This past year has been harder than most, and I'm feeling the cumulative effect of many of the decisions I've made in the past few years. From the nature of my work to my family relationships and the obligations I've taken up in my community, I've been off from the right direction.
Not wildly off, mind you - an outsider looking at my life would say that I've got it all together. So I'm not complaining that I'm off the rails. I do feel, though, that the various facets of my life could achieve greater harmony, and that by trying to align them better, I can find more peace in my days.
So that's what my next 40 days will be about. Alignment, harmony, peace, and through those, success and happiness. I hope that others can find the same.
Sunday, March 3, 2019
Race behind me, Lent ahead
I had my third race of the season today, and by far the longest. In fact, this was the longest run I've had since my marathon last May. At 15.5 miles (25K), it was more than 2 miles longer than my longest runs, and those last two miles were not enjoyable. At least my next run (NYC 1/2 Marathon) in two weeks will be mercifully shorter.
And this week starts Lent. This is my annual nutritional restart, where I decide to act more healthily in both exercise and nutrition. This year, I'm trying a more holistic change, addressing physical, spiritual, and vocational issues that I've had for a long time.
This is going to involve a lot of letting go. Letting go of old assumptions, letting go of old grievances, letting go of some aspirations (which is going to hurt the most, I think), and embracing new value systems - about my work, my life, and my worth.
I'm looking forward to it, actually, but only hope that I can fully engage in this adjustment period. After many years of successful focus, I've had mixed results for the past few years. My most significant concern is that I'm trying to do too much at once; that often does not work out well. But if I can just make a few adjustments to my habits, great things can happen.
40 days is a long time, but it's not too long to manage through.
And this week starts Lent. This is my annual nutritional restart, where I decide to act more healthily in both exercise and nutrition. This year, I'm trying a more holistic change, addressing physical, spiritual, and vocational issues that I've had for a long time.
This is going to involve a lot of letting go. Letting go of old assumptions, letting go of old grievances, letting go of some aspirations (which is going to hurt the most, I think), and embracing new value systems - about my work, my life, and my worth.
I'm looking forward to it, actually, but only hope that I can fully engage in this adjustment period. After many years of successful focus, I've had mixed results for the past few years. My most significant concern is that I'm trying to do too much at once; that often does not work out well. But if I can just make a few adjustments to my habits, great things can happen.
40 days is a long time, but it's not too long to manage through.
Saturday, February 23, 2019
Goals, Priorities, and Problems
In some management training in my company, we emphasize a few principles about leading people. The first principle (and therefore either foundational or most important) is that of clarity.
What this means is that we need to be clear with our team members about the purpose and mission of their work, how it ties into the larger organization, and what is expected of them. Our people need to have this perspective, so they can make decisions when faced with new situations.
It's easy to respond to a challenge when the answer is already in the playbook, but what do our people do when they are faced with new situations? They need to understand the organizations goals, as well as the organizations priorities, preferably in a way that they can make decisions that tradeoff between priorities in the way the organization wants.
What does this have to do with me? I think I've lost a bit of that clarity of my own goals, and specifically, my priorities and the potential tradeoffs between them. Or at least if I haven't lost that clarity, recent developments have led me to question whether the current prioritization of my goals needs to be revisited.
This happens to everyone, sometimes radically as the result of injury or illness, sometimes slowly as our lives develop, and even minor opportunities or troubles come and go, and leave us (slightly) different as people. Fortunately, my current self-reflection is of the latter type.
A development in my work has caused me to re-think where I'm putting my time. The project that I thought was developing well, and was near reaching the next stage, has now taken a material step backwards. I have to decide how to proceed: One path would have me pushing hard to meet an early deadline, sacrificing other projects, the other would take a lot more time, and the project might not complete before it became irrelevant, but would give me windows to progress on other projects.
The real question is that of single-mindedness. Do I put all of my effort and energy into Project X, do I balance my resources between Project X and all of the others, or do I actually put Project X on a back-burner, and spend most of my available resources on the other elements of my mission?
It sounds like it could be an easy decision, but it's really not. I've been working on Project X for a long time, and I have people counting on me completing it, but some of those same people want me to progress on other projects.
As I write this, though, I realized that the time spent is a sunk cost, and not worth considering ( I can grieve for the delay in the project, but that doesn't help me finish it). As for the stakeholders, I need to realize that I'm the most important stakeholder. That's a lesson I have NEVER mastered. Despite everything I read that says that a leader has to take care of themselves first, so they can help others, I've never really internalized that concept well.
Service (in the guise of servant leadership these days) has always been top of mind for me, and has often led me to put responsibility to others ahead of responsibility to self. I'm not totally sure from where that comes (my theory is that it's rooted in a deep-seated insecurity), but it manifests itself in a few ways. First is taking on too many projects, only some (few) of which I do because they genuinely interest me; more often it's because something is asked of me, and I have a hard time saying no, especially to people I perceive as authority figures.
Second is my inability to make hard decisions, and to walk away from a project when that really is the right thing to do. I don't want to disappoint the others involved in a project by cancelling it, but really, the outcome is that I don't do well at multiple projects because I'm spread too thin. The net result is that I become stressed, project stakeholders get frustrated, and I don't fully accomplish my mission(s).
Lent is coming. Maybe I need to take these upcoming 40 days to make some of these hard decisions, knowing that it's going to cause me to suffer as well as my stakeholders. That would not be easy - it's going to require a major mind-set change on my part, and will cause me a lot of difficulty, both mental and practical, as I set principle-based priorities and stick to them, and also as I grieve for the projects that will have to come to an end (or a horizon that is so far out, the effect is the same).
In the end, I might find that suffering is a pathway to greater happiness and success.
What this means is that we need to be clear with our team members about the purpose and mission of their work, how it ties into the larger organization, and what is expected of them. Our people need to have this perspective, so they can make decisions when faced with new situations.
It's easy to respond to a challenge when the answer is already in the playbook, but what do our people do when they are faced with new situations? They need to understand the organizations goals, as well as the organizations priorities, preferably in a way that they can make decisions that tradeoff between priorities in the way the organization wants.
What does this have to do with me? I think I've lost a bit of that clarity of my own goals, and specifically, my priorities and the potential tradeoffs between them. Or at least if I haven't lost that clarity, recent developments have led me to question whether the current prioritization of my goals needs to be revisited.
This happens to everyone, sometimes radically as the result of injury or illness, sometimes slowly as our lives develop, and even minor opportunities or troubles come and go, and leave us (slightly) different as people. Fortunately, my current self-reflection is of the latter type.
A development in my work has caused me to re-think where I'm putting my time. The project that I thought was developing well, and was near reaching the next stage, has now taken a material step backwards. I have to decide how to proceed: One path would have me pushing hard to meet an early deadline, sacrificing other projects, the other would take a lot more time, and the project might not complete before it became irrelevant, but would give me windows to progress on other projects.
The real question is that of single-mindedness. Do I put all of my effort and energy into Project X, do I balance my resources between Project X and all of the others, or do I actually put Project X on a back-burner, and spend most of my available resources on the other elements of my mission?
It sounds like it could be an easy decision, but it's really not. I've been working on Project X for a long time, and I have people counting on me completing it, but some of those same people want me to progress on other projects.
As I write this, though, I realized that the time spent is a sunk cost, and not worth considering ( I can grieve for the delay in the project, but that doesn't help me finish it). As for the stakeholders, I need to realize that I'm the most important stakeholder. That's a lesson I have NEVER mastered. Despite everything I read that says that a leader has to take care of themselves first, so they can help others, I've never really internalized that concept well.
Service (in the guise of servant leadership these days) has always been top of mind for me, and has often led me to put responsibility to others ahead of responsibility to self. I'm not totally sure from where that comes (my theory is that it's rooted in a deep-seated insecurity), but it manifests itself in a few ways. First is taking on too many projects, only some (few) of which I do because they genuinely interest me; more often it's because something is asked of me, and I have a hard time saying no, especially to people I perceive as authority figures.
Second is my inability to make hard decisions, and to walk away from a project when that really is the right thing to do. I don't want to disappoint the others involved in a project by cancelling it, but really, the outcome is that I don't do well at multiple projects because I'm spread too thin. The net result is that I become stressed, project stakeholders get frustrated, and I don't fully accomplish my mission(s).
Lent is coming. Maybe I need to take these upcoming 40 days to make some of these hard decisions, knowing that it's going to cause me to suffer as well as my stakeholders. That would not be easy - it's going to require a major mind-set change on my part, and will cause me a lot of difficulty, both mental and practical, as I set principle-based priorities and stick to them, and also as I grieve for the projects that will have to come to an end (or a horizon that is so far out, the effect is the same).
In the end, I might find that suffering is a pathway to greater happiness and success.
Saturday, February 2, 2019
The short month begins
January is now in the rear-view mirror, and as always, it had some mixed results for me. While the month started terribly (with a cold and my quarter close), the last week provided some respite, as leadership meetings in my company brought the frenetic pace of the start of the new year to a quiet, dull roar.
That translated into me getting back a good portion of my mental and emotional energy, as well as my physical energy. With a little less pressure (and a lot less e-mail) on the docket, I had time to reconnect with a few work projects, and spent less time spent at night handling e-mail and catching up. [Side note: I fully realize that means I started to work the amount of overtime that most people in my area normally work, rather than my excessive amount - I said it was better, not that it was good.] I got to bed earlier, and was able to get up earlier and get workouts in before work (which also didn't start before 8:00 for a change) and was working with more energy through the day than I've had in months.
So now what? February is upon us; only four short weeks to make additional progress in my goals. My training plan is working out so far, and while I don't have a specific rhythm to my training weeks, I should be able to keep up the 3-run, 2-cycle, 2-swim, 1 strength training sessions I've built over the past few weeks. My weekends should be mostly clear, and my treadmill and bike trainer are both very handy tools to have available when the weather gets bad.
I also have a bunch of races on the calendar. While I'm going to have to miss my next one (a 12.4 miler in two weeks), I have a race every few weeks that should keep me focused. I'm not really racing them, but rather doing a long, slow run with other people, and where I get handed water and refreshments. I'll need these to keep me going until Spring, when I can get outside on the bike. August is going to be here before I know it, and I'd like to make the most out of this winter and Spring, and hit the Tri-training with a really strong base.
There's more change on the horizon as well, or at least I hope so. I should be changing jobs soon, and that's either going to make my work continue (in a more rewarding manner) or the work will abate, and I will have a little time to find other things to do. I've already been recruited to lead a project at church for the next six months, and if my next job is closer to a 40-45 (-50) hour work week, I may look for a teaching position at the local university. There's lots of potential, and with change comes, well, change.
That translated into me getting back a good portion of my mental and emotional energy, as well as my physical energy. With a little less pressure (and a lot less e-mail) on the docket, I had time to reconnect with a few work projects, and spent less time spent at night handling e-mail and catching up. [Side note: I fully realize that means I started to work the amount of overtime that most people in my area normally work, rather than my excessive amount - I said it was better, not that it was good.] I got to bed earlier, and was able to get up earlier and get workouts in before work (which also didn't start before 8:00 for a change) and was working with more energy through the day than I've had in months.
So now what? February is upon us; only four short weeks to make additional progress in my goals. My training plan is working out so far, and while I don't have a specific rhythm to my training weeks, I should be able to keep up the 3-run, 2-cycle, 2-swim, 1 strength training sessions I've built over the past few weeks. My weekends should be mostly clear, and my treadmill and bike trainer are both very handy tools to have available when the weather gets bad.
I also have a bunch of races on the calendar. While I'm going to have to miss my next one (a 12.4 miler in two weeks), I have a race every few weeks that should keep me focused. I'm not really racing them, but rather doing a long, slow run with other people, and where I get handed water and refreshments. I'll need these to keep me going until Spring, when I can get outside on the bike. August is going to be here before I know it, and I'd like to make the most out of this winter and Spring, and hit the Tri-training with a really strong base.
There's more change on the horizon as well, or at least I hope so. I should be changing jobs soon, and that's either going to make my work continue (in a more rewarding manner) or the work will abate, and I will have a little time to find other things to do. I've already been recruited to lead a project at church for the next six months, and if my next job is closer to a 40-45 (-50) hour work week, I may look for a teaching position at the local university. There's lots of potential, and with change comes, well, change.
Sunday, January 27, 2019
First Race of the Season
Today was my first running race of the season.
I say first because I have signed up for many many races this year already. I have been very lucky in getting into race lotteries, or signing up on time for races, and not getting locked out. As a result, I think I'm already planned for about 6 half marathons, 2 triathlons, and one cross-country run that frankly, scares me.
I went into this mornings race with low expectations, and just barely met them. As I've said before, my weight is up, as is my pace. Add to that a very hilly course, a little overdressing for the weather, and a series of issues I'm dealing with at work, and the result was a very slow 15K.
How slow? Well, out of 216 runners, I was 201st. Of the 42 Men in my age group, I was 40th, and 41 was running with his six year old son. Yeah, that slow. For the total run, I finished in just over 1:39, or a 10:37 per mile pace. That's pretty on top of some recent long runs, but it's got to get better if I have any chance of beating my 70.3 time later this year.
The work thing is a big distraction, and my brain keeps cycling on it over and over. I finally did speak up about it at work, but some other news keeps my head on only one topic. I keep telling myself that once this issue is resolved (and it will be), I will get my life back to normal, and be able to train like I want to (including being able to focus better on my nutrition, which is really the culprit here) Stress, lack of sleep, and slowing times have made my running a sense of pressure and pain, rather than the source of joy that it has been, and I want it to be again.
For now, I'm noting that I did go out and run a 15K today, which is more than most people did this morning, and with work and hopefully some work relief, this year will turn out to be better than the last.
I say first because I have signed up for many many races this year already. I have been very lucky in getting into race lotteries, or signing up on time for races, and not getting locked out. As a result, I think I'm already planned for about 6 half marathons, 2 triathlons, and one cross-country run that frankly, scares me.
I went into this mornings race with low expectations, and just barely met them. As I've said before, my weight is up, as is my pace. Add to that a very hilly course, a little overdressing for the weather, and a series of issues I'm dealing with at work, and the result was a very slow 15K.
How slow? Well, out of 216 runners, I was 201st. Of the 42 Men in my age group, I was 40th, and 41 was running with his six year old son. Yeah, that slow. For the total run, I finished in just over 1:39, or a 10:37 per mile pace. That's pretty on top of some recent long runs, but it's got to get better if I have any chance of beating my 70.3 time later this year.
The work thing is a big distraction, and my brain keeps cycling on it over and over. I finally did speak up about it at work, but some other news keeps my head on only one topic. I keep telling myself that once this issue is resolved (and it will be), I will get my life back to normal, and be able to train like I want to (including being able to focus better on my nutrition, which is really the culprit here) Stress, lack of sleep, and slowing times have made my running a sense of pressure and pain, rather than the source of joy that it has been, and I want it to be again.
For now, I'm noting that I did go out and run a 15K today, which is more than most people did this morning, and with work and hopefully some work relief, this year will turn out to be better than the last.
Saturday, January 19, 2019
Step Back to Surge Forward
The last two weeks have been a bit of a wreck in terms of achieving my personal goals. The year started with illness, and that sapped all of my momentum, so the 2nd week of the month was a struggle just to get my work done, with very little time for exercise, or the energy to ensure I followed my nutrition plans.
That's over now.
Today is my first non-workday of the year and I'm counting on this being a turning point. I got a run in earlier this week, and managed a long run today (10 miles), with some other exercise in the past three days, so I'm getting some momentum back. My nutrition is getting better, but I'm not in just the right place yet.
So what's the plan now? I've done the step back part, now is a good time to surge forward. My bank account says I still need to work, so I'm going to keep up with that. But now I need to re-assert my priorities and ensure that I put the important before the urgent as often as possible. That's true in both my work and personal life, in fitness, nutrition, and relationships.
Setbacks are a part of life; I get that. They stink, and are demotivating, but I'm taking what's happened, and focusing on what can happen. Progress takes time, but at least now I think I can get really started for the year.
That's over now.
Today is my first non-workday of the year and I'm counting on this being a turning point. I got a run in earlier this week, and managed a long run today (10 miles), with some other exercise in the past three days, so I'm getting some momentum back. My nutrition is getting better, but I'm not in just the right place yet.
So what's the plan now? I've done the step back part, now is a good time to surge forward. My bank account says I still need to work, so I'm going to keep up with that. But now I need to re-assert my priorities and ensure that I put the important before the urgent as often as possible. That's true in both my work and personal life, in fitness, nutrition, and relationships.
Setbacks are a part of life; I get that. They stink, and are demotivating, but I'm taking what's happened, and focusing on what can happen. Progress takes time, but at least now I think I can get really started for the year.
Tuesday, January 15, 2019
Two weeks down in this year......
So I expected this would be an interesting couple of weeks, and I was totally wrong.
Two weeks into the new year, and just about all I've done is work, sleep, and (to some extent) suffer. I shouldn't be surprised - this is how every January works, and it's usually about the 15th (today) when I pick up my head to see how deep a hole I've managed to dig in the start of the year.
This year is no different. Where I should have run about 40 miles, I've run 13. Where I wanted to lose a couple of pounds, I'm up about 6. Where I had hoped to cut back on overtime, I had multiple days of 15-hour shifts, and have worked full days all 4 weekend days this year. And where I wanted to preserve the good relationship I have with my wife.....well, that's not too bad, actually (she's very forgiving when I don't see her for days, and then when I do, I'm grumpy).
So now I am looking forward. Why? Because just like every other year, I expect the next three months to be good for me. Busy, of course, but some of that in a good way, and in a way that should help, rather than hurt my health. I'll get back into my workout routine, rev up my training, run a few races (including one this weekend that I'm really not prepared for), and get ready for real race season.
So far this year, I've lined up a progressive build-up to the Boston Marathon (no, I'm not running that), the NYC 1/2 Marathon, a cross-country 10K in a local Preserve, a 1/2 Ironman in August, and a few other local races, mainly 1/2s and triathlons. I'm not ready for any of this, but I'm feeling ready to train for the first time in a good long while.
First steps, get my nutrition back in line - no more convenience store stops, cut the sweets, knock off the extra calories, and go back to healthier options. Since giving up soda four months ago, I've taken to tea, and for a while there, fruits and vegetables were my staples. It will take a transition, but I'm headed back into that territory, and back into the outdoors for my workouts.
It should be a good Spring.
Two weeks into the new year, and just about all I've done is work, sleep, and (to some extent) suffer. I shouldn't be surprised - this is how every January works, and it's usually about the 15th (today) when I pick up my head to see how deep a hole I've managed to dig in the start of the year.
This year is no different. Where I should have run about 40 miles, I've run 13. Where I wanted to lose a couple of pounds, I'm up about 6. Where I had hoped to cut back on overtime, I had multiple days of 15-hour shifts, and have worked full days all 4 weekend days this year. And where I wanted to preserve the good relationship I have with my wife.....well, that's not too bad, actually (she's very forgiving when I don't see her for days, and then when I do, I'm grumpy).
So now I am looking forward. Why? Because just like every other year, I expect the next three months to be good for me. Busy, of course, but some of that in a good way, and in a way that should help, rather than hurt my health. I'll get back into my workout routine, rev up my training, run a few races (including one this weekend that I'm really not prepared for), and get ready for real race season.
So far this year, I've lined up a progressive build-up to the Boston Marathon (no, I'm not running that), the NYC 1/2 Marathon, a cross-country 10K in a local Preserve, a 1/2 Ironman in August, and a few other local races, mainly 1/2s and triathlons. I'm not ready for any of this, but I'm feeling ready to train for the first time in a good long while.
First steps, get my nutrition back in line - no more convenience store stops, cut the sweets, knock off the extra calories, and go back to healthier options. Since giving up soda four months ago, I've taken to tea, and for a while there, fruits and vegetables were my staples. It will take a transition, but I'm headed back into that territory, and back into the outdoors for my workouts.
It should be a good Spring.
Thursday, January 10, 2019
Day 2, too
Today was supposed to be Day 2. And it was, just not the kind of Day 2 I was looking for.
I decided yesterday at noon was going to be the beginning. I wrote it in notebooks, put an alarm on my phone, and had all good intentions. The rest of yesterday went fine, even though I had to work until about 11:00 pm (I'm an office worker, and even though I'm always more than 9-5 (more like 8-7), a night that late was unusual. At least it's supposed to be.
So cut to today. Packed my lunch, had all plans to be healthy, but I woke up late (overslept due to getting to bed at 1 this morning) and while the beginning of the day was fine, I broke in the evening, as I found I would likely be at work until 11 again. [As I write this, it's 10:45, and I'm waiting for someone else to finish work so the rest of my team can finish theirs].
The evening was a disaster. Hungry from the day, and having expected to be home and potentially exercising in the evening, access to the dinner I had brought in for the team just threw me off. *sigh*
So, here I am - no exercise today; eating too much; intensely stressed once again, and facing another 9 days of long days. I have just about had enough - it's time to change.
I decided yesterday at noon was going to be the beginning. I wrote it in notebooks, put an alarm on my phone, and had all good intentions. The rest of yesterday went fine, even though I had to work until about 11:00 pm (I'm an office worker, and even though I'm always more than 9-5 (more like 8-7), a night that late was unusual. At least it's supposed to be.
So cut to today. Packed my lunch, had all plans to be healthy, but I woke up late (overslept due to getting to bed at 1 this morning) and while the beginning of the day was fine, I broke in the evening, as I found I would likely be at work until 11 again. [As I write this, it's 10:45, and I'm waiting for someone else to finish work so the rest of my team can finish theirs].
The evening was a disaster. Hungry from the day, and having expected to be home and potentially exercising in the evening, access to the dinner I had brought in for the team just threw me off. *sigh*
So, here I am - no exercise today; eating too much; intensely stressed once again, and facing another 9 days of long days. I have just about had enough - it's time to change.
Monday, January 7, 2019
2019 - On to new sameness
Another year has passed, mainly with silence on this blog. 2018 was not the year I had hoped it to be when I wrote last year’s post. A lot happened as expected, and there were lots of high points, but for me, it just didn’t seem to be my year.
The start of 2019 finds me largely in the same place I was last year. I’m in the same job, which should have changed 18 months ago, but my boss made a promise, and then let me down, and I haven’t moved. (Someone in HR referred to me as the ‘stuckee’ person, and I swear I’m going to scream the next time someone points out that I’ve been in my job a long time).
I’m coming up on 4 1/2 years in a job that would burn out ordinary people in 3. And as of right now, there is no sun on the horizon. I’m being a team player and waiting for a problem to get resolved, but once that happens (later this month), I’m going to start making a lot of noise about it.
At least that’s what I tell myself. The reality is probably quite different, and I’ll continue to be the team player and let things happen to me. I don’t know, though, as I seem to spend every day driving to and from work thinking about how I’ve been neglected, and trying to decide that it’s time to leave the company. If something doesn’t change soon, I may need to do that, if only for my own sanity.
And, of course, there’s fitness (or lack thereof). The other major disappointment last year was a marathon that I ran, and ran badly. I say ‘ran’ but the reality is that I walked the last 8 miles. I wasn’t trained enough, I’m carrying a lot more weight than I used to, and I’ve lost a lot of fitness these last 5 years, the last two especially, given my longer commute and very long days at work. In the last two years, I think my workload has increased by about 20%, with no let up in any responsibilities. So even when I’m home, I’m stressed, and I spend almost every night with my laptop open doing e-mails.
So that’s why I’m writing tonight - to convince myself that it’s time to change things. To focus on me a bit more. To drop the 20 pounds my doctor said I need to (now probably 25). To put my own priorities first, and focus on the joy of achieving them. To join my wife, who is probably as fit as she’s ever been. I convinced her to run a half-Ironman triathlon with me this year, and she’s training better than I am. At this point, I’m hoping to find the time to train properly, and finish the course again.
Yes, right now, I’m down on myself. Unlike much of last year, I do see opportunities to get better though. Last year was a really rough year for me, mentally and emotionally. I was let down by someone else, and I let myself down as well. This year can totally be different, even if just because I walk in with a different mindset, a different attitude, and a different way of handling my stress. I won’t say that writing will become an outlet for me (see my various other false starts) but something must.
The start of 2019 finds me largely in the same place I was last year. I’m in the same job, which should have changed 18 months ago, but my boss made a promise, and then let me down, and I haven’t moved. (Someone in HR referred to me as the ‘stuckee’ person, and I swear I’m going to scream the next time someone points out that I’ve been in my job a long time).
I’m coming up on 4 1/2 years in a job that would burn out ordinary people in 3. And as of right now, there is no sun on the horizon. I’m being a team player and waiting for a problem to get resolved, but once that happens (later this month), I’m going to start making a lot of noise about it.
At least that’s what I tell myself. The reality is probably quite different, and I’ll continue to be the team player and let things happen to me. I don’t know, though, as I seem to spend every day driving to and from work thinking about how I’ve been neglected, and trying to decide that it’s time to leave the company. If something doesn’t change soon, I may need to do that, if only for my own sanity.
And, of course, there’s fitness (or lack thereof). The other major disappointment last year was a marathon that I ran, and ran badly. I say ‘ran’ but the reality is that I walked the last 8 miles. I wasn’t trained enough, I’m carrying a lot more weight than I used to, and I’ve lost a lot of fitness these last 5 years, the last two especially, given my longer commute and very long days at work. In the last two years, I think my workload has increased by about 20%, with no let up in any responsibilities. So even when I’m home, I’m stressed, and I spend almost every night with my laptop open doing e-mails.
So that’s why I’m writing tonight - to convince myself that it’s time to change things. To focus on me a bit more. To drop the 20 pounds my doctor said I need to (now probably 25). To put my own priorities first, and focus on the joy of achieving them. To join my wife, who is probably as fit as she’s ever been. I convinced her to run a half-Ironman triathlon with me this year, and she’s training better than I am. At this point, I’m hoping to find the time to train properly, and finish the course again.
Yes, right now, I’m down on myself. Unlike much of last year, I do see opportunities to get better though. Last year was a really rough year for me, mentally and emotionally. I was let down by someone else, and I let myself down as well. This year can totally be different, even if just because I walk in with a different mindset, a different attitude, and a different way of handling my stress. I won’t say that writing will become an outlet for me (see my various other false starts) but something must.
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