Sunday, June 9, 2019

Where is Rock Bottom?

My progress this year can be summed up in one word: Uninspiring.

It feels like every time I start to make progress on a project, an issue comes up that throws off all the momentum I've built up, and sets me back farther than I was before I started. 

I wish I could say this is only in one facet of my life, but it's hitting me from many directions.  Work, fitness, nutrition, relationships, community involvement - it's all being affected by the setbacks that life brings.

This is coming at the end of a year of over-stress.  OK, maybe make that a few years of over-stress, but all of my own making.  I'm habituated to taking on more responsibilities than I can actually handle.  A year ago, I was working a more-than-full-time job, an Assistant Scoutmaster in the BSA, President of my Parish Council, Race Director for a local 5K, leader for an international trip with 13 Scouts, and trying to manage my own personal life, including losing the 20 pounds that my doctor said I needed to lose if I wanted to prevent health problems in the future.  Writing all of that down, I realize how much I was handling.

The good news - I got it all done last year.  The bad news: I burned myself out, and I feel that - badly.  I took some good actions - stepped back from Scouts after the big trip, handed off the 5K to another race director, didn't volunteer for the new 'big trip' this year.  What did happen, however, was that work stresses took priority over just about everything else, as I turned over key staff, and found my own career potential threatened.   As a result, my personal challenges (nutrition and fitness) have taken a back seat, and I've made no progress on those goals in a year. 

Now it's the start of summer, I've committed to anotehr Ironman 70.3 Race which I'm hoping to use for inspiration for training and fitness.  My wife is joining me on this adventure, which always helps.  This morning, for example, we joined the local bike club on a 75K bike ride (47 miles).  It was some quality together time, especially commiserating over her (slight) injury and my exhaustion afterwards.

But, my nutrition stinks.  I have no momentum here, and I have lots working against me, including the recent addtiion of free snacks and soda at my office.  M&Ms, right now, are my undoing.  And it's not just the candy, but the way that it breaks my resolve.  Eating other 'bad for me' things doesn't seem so bad once I'm off target for a day, and that just sets me off.  My evenings are spent (often) regretting the actions I took during the day, and feeling bad about myself as a result. 

What I need is a little momentum, and a lot of discipline, at least to get started.  If I can manage to put together a few days of activity successes (workouts and avoiding less-than-ideal foods), I'll see momentum in my success metric (the scale) and this whole plan will build on itself.


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