Turning the Corner? No, into a circle

I was hopeful after my last post.  I woke up Wednesday with the thought "Is this the day I turn it around?"  By now, you likely know what 'it' is.  It's my nutrition, my exercise plan, my attitude toward many things, notably work, which has been a constant source of stress for weeks months now.

And Wednesday was a good day, in so many ways.  My nutrition was on, my diet soda consumption was low (believe me, I need to kick that habit too), and I got in a workout that helped reduce my stress levels a bit.   I was really hopeful that I had turned that corner. 

But Thursday came.  After a VERY late night at work on Wednesday, Thursday was an early start, so I could only get a little under 5 hours of sleep.  Fine to do once, but this was the third time in a few days for me to get less than 7.  Cue the suspenseful horror music as I look at the day's plan.

Wednesday hadn't been a corner, it was a traffic circle.  I had a tailwind for a day, but then turned again into the headwinds of stress and fatigue.  Thursday didn't go well.  Friday was worse, and at the end of the workday, I did something I really really shouldn't have with some Pepperidge Farm cookies that will not be spoken of again.  I hit bottom right then, I think.

So today (Saturday), I woke up with that same feeling from Wednesday - "will this be the day?".  Only this time, as I lay in bed to doze and catch up on some rest, I realized that it can't be a question.  It needs to be a full-bodied, self-driven commitment that "This WILL be the day", or else I'm handing over my power to the whims of the universe (insert your own religious perspective here). 

Today was a good day.  An hour long run this morning, compounded by another hour in the cardio gym later in the day (which I had to drag myself to a bit, but out of dread, not tiredness).  Found that they activated the wi-fi in the gym, so I got to listen to a podcast and watch a Netflix TV show while working out (The Killing, if you're interested).    Nutrition was okay (the day isn't over yet), and I went soda-less, replacing my drinks with water successfully. 

Moreover, I am pledging to cut out junk food from my diet for the next six weeks.  (Please note that I use the word diet to mean my overalll nutrition regimen, not a temporary, reduced calorie eating plan).  And to me, junk food isn't Mcdonalds or pizza or potato chips; I gave those up a long time ago for the most part.  What I'm referring to is low-nutrition-density foods, including things like bagels and pretzels, as well as the candy and cookies that, frankly, I love.  I am a cookie lover, but they really have to go, in favor of better foods.  That's how I'm going to get myself out of this condition, and into a mode where I feel better, which I know I will.

So my official weigh in today was 194.7 lbs. which was up slightly from last week.  Not a surprise, nor a disaster.  And if I don't make my "under 190" goal by 1/1/15, so be it.  I'll work hard for the next three weeks, but I don't believe in miracles.  I am realistic about this, and know the direction in which I need to head - speed is not that important.