GJ Day 16: Endurance Training

I've talked about my running on this blog a lot, and there's a reason for that.  It has taught me so much, not just about my physicality, but about my psychology and my emotional states.

And it's helping me through these dark times of the pandemic, more than I realized.  We're at a bit of a low point around the world - many people have died, many more are still in hospitals and new strains of the coronavirus are popping up, with the uncertainty about how they may change the disease.

But there is hope, in the form of at least two vaccines which will help protect our population.  As I write this, first responders, medical professionals and the most vulnerable (the aged in nursing homes) are getting vaccinated, and hopefully in a few months, the general population will start to get the shots as well. 

That's a few months away, and in the meantime, things may get worse.  It's winter now, so people are staying inside more.  COVID fatigue, as it's called, (really lockdown fatigue) is a real thing, and it's pushing people to meet up more often indoors than maybe we should.  Christmas was yesterday, and I'm sure that many many families gathered together, potentially spreading the disease further. 

What does this have to do with endurance training?  Well, during a marathon, the first half is usually pretty easy; a trained running is used to running 18-20-22 miles once a week, so 13 miles is relatively easy.  It's after that first half when things get harder.  We call them 'the middle miles' - past the first half, but not to the point where you're counting down the last few miles (between 22 and 26, say).  

And those middle miles are where the dark times come, along with the dark thoughts.  The thoughts that 'I might not make it' and 'this is too hard' and 'why am I wasting my time doing this?'  It's a time when the body and mind are both struggling, especially knowing what is yet to come before the end of the race, and how much more, and how much harder of an effort is still in front of us.

This is where a runner needs the inner fortitude to ignore the complaints of body and mind, to press on doing what must be done even though it hurts, even though it's uncomfortable, even though it starts to make no sense to continue.  That's where training comes in - because we've been her before in our long runs.  13 miles didn't become easy overnight - as we train, we push out the boundaries of discomfort farther and farther into the run.  We know these dark thoughts are coming - we've had them every week in runs for months, so they're more familiar to us; they are a part of our experience.

Those middle miles - that's where we are right now.  The first half is past us - there's still a long way to go.  But we know that at the end, there's a finish line - immunity for the population.  it's still a long way off and we have to keep doing what we're doing - masking, social distancing, testing, self-checks.  Pretty soon, the vaccine will be available to the rest of us - that's where the countdown to normalcy begins, those last few miles where we realize we CAN do this, we're GOING to do this, we're seeing those who have been successful returning to the race to help others.  That bit is coming.

But the other element that runners need in those middle miles is encouragement, positive encouragement, to help amplify that inner voice that is telling the runner to keep going.  That inner voice can get drowned out by the negativity, but it's always there.  Hearing from our friends and family and the community that they believe in us and that they support us, can make the difference between celebration and defeat.  

So let's stay out there, cheer on our fellow travelers, set the examples for others to follow, and plan for great celebrations (with lots of in-person hugs) for when we cross that line to success.

GJ Day 15: Intervals

For obvious reasons, I'm grateful today for the ability to re-start after taking a break.  Another concept that applies to my running life, I'm now applying it to my blog (again) - forgiving myself for taking the break, and getting started again.

It's something we people do all too often - we set goals for ourselves, but all too often we fail, and give up, and experience the guilt of having not lived up to our own standards.  I'm no different, and I experience the same cycle over and over and over again.  The new key I'm learning is to let go of the guilt, the disappointment, the shame.  Those things which are important will resurface, and if we release the negative emotions (the baggage) of the past, we can work toward a better future.  

And that's really the point of life, isn't it?

GJ Day 14: Family

I got to see my family today.  On a whim, my sisters and I thought to get us all together for a day to celebrate Christmas and see each other for the first time in almost a year (well, see each other in person).  My brother was also in town, as we both live a few hours away from the rest of the family, and we got to actually sit around a backyard and talk.  

And it was comfortable, familiar, and really welcome.  That's what family is - a reminder of where we came from, and the fact that we can always go back, and be welcomed.  

I can't really say enough about how much my family does mean to me, even if we don't see each other as often as I would like.  But I can say that we have shaped each other (well, more that they shaped me, as I'm the youngest one), and I appreciate and love them all.

GJ Day 13: Disappointment

Yeah, this one is a bit weird.  

We never know what the future has in store for us, and we don't know if it will good for us or bad for us. Nor do we know how the choices we make will affect those outcomes.  And sometimes, we just don't get what we want in life.

but if we try real hard, we might find, we get what we need.  

I've been disappointed by outcomes in the past.  Not getting into the school I wanted to, not getting a job that I desired; we've all been there, right?  But looking back, maybe some of those outcomes were actually beneficial.  If I had gone to my goal school, I would not have met the woman that is now my wife.  If I had been offered a job I wanted, a better opportunity would not have come to me a year later, which propelled my career.

Sure, you say, that's all well and good to say now, but that goal school could have led to a better career than you have, and maybe a better life than you have.  And that's true.  It could just as easily have led to worse outcomes, though.  Maybe I wouldn't have had what it took to thrive at that school, and could have had to transfer.  Maybe I would have met and married differently, and now be divorced, or unhappy, or struggling to keep work and family aligned.

I don't look back with regret at disappointments though, ever since my wife made a comment when we were struggling with one of our sons.  When I commented that I wished his behavior was different, she calmly said that to wish that was to wish we had someone else's child rather than ours.  That was profound to me; it also said that to wish some facet of our past was different is to wish that we were not the people we are - to wish that we were someone else.  Maybe some people think that way, but I don't.  

I am who I am, and so are you; disappointments and all.

GF Day 12: the Constitution (and those who serve it)

Today, I feel grateful for our system of laws in the US, embodied by our Constitution, and the people who work to serve it every day.

In this time, when there are forces trying to weaken our system of government, calling into question the basics tenets of our democracy and claiming the right to overturn elections because they did not result in the outcome they wanted, our Constitution and our laws stand firm.  They are bedrock principles that will continue to serve the people of our country, but only if they are strongly defended.

And that is why our system of government, three branches in equal standing, works.  It remains to be seen, perhaps later this year, if that system will stand up to forces who may attempt to defy it.  After all, every government only stands if the governed permit, and the members of each branch put the country above the person.  When a sect, even a previously formerly powerful one, attempts to break the balance of power, there are two possible outcomes - the sect is shunned, or the system breaks.  I, for one, hope for and count on, the former.

GJ Day 11: Dad-isms

My father and I didn't get along all the time.  Most of the time we were fine, but when we disagreed, we fought as our family does - loud, in each other's faces, and when done, family and friends again.  Debates in our house were frequent, and outsiders (including my wife) didn't always understand how we could go from yelling at each other, loud and volcal, directly to sharing some dessert after dinner like it didn't even happen.  Our arguments weren't intended to be personal; they were intellectual pursuits, well, at least for Dad and I they were.

But were times that Dad would throw out a zinger, one that would sting for a bit, but would stay with you for a while.  What sticks with me most these days were a few of the sayings (rarely original) he used more often with me.

"Jack of all trades, Master of none"

"If it's worth doing, it's worth doing for Money"

"I may hate what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it"

"You have a right to swing your fist, but your right stops at the point of my nose."

These were just a few of the things Dad would say to me; pearls of wisdom, often delivered right at the worst time for me to hear them, but the times I probably needed to hear them. And I didn't always understand them when he said them, but only on later reflection ('cause I rarely wanted to ask him what he meant if one of these on-liners ticked me off).

It is on later reflection, though, that I got what he was trying to say, and how he had a philosophy about him that may not have been complete, and all too-often echoed what he heard on the radio, but it was his, and it shaped not only his life, but mine as well. 

Dad passed nine years ago today, and I miss him. 

GJ Day 10: Weight Watchers (and some friends from long ago)

I think I've written about this before, but gratitude is sometimes about looking back.  Specifically, back to January 3rd (or so) 1996, when I weighed in at my all time high of 264 pounds.  It was the start of a 'biggest loser' weight loss contest, and even I didn't realize how large I had become.  

Enter a few women I worked with who had decided to join weight watchers (few of them needed it, mind you), and instructed me in the basics of how the program worked.  It was the start of a life transformation for me, and for my wife, that we continue with today.

WW is a great program, that is liveable for the long term, and allows enough flexibility within an eating plan, while providing incentives for changing your eating habits for the better.  At least it was at the time, 'cause I'm still following the old program that I learned back then, even though the program has changed since then.  

That said, it's still up to the person to execute well, and pay attention to what's going on nutritionally.  the program served me well for years, but I can tell when I've stopped focusing on it, and when I've gone back to the discipline.  My wife, who is much more disciplined than I am, has stayed faithful to the guidelines, and I'm sure that if you compared my weight fluctuations to hers over the years, it would show.

WW gave me a new lease on life, that enabled me to engage in other facets that would not have been available.  I don't think I would be the runner that I am, or have the energy that I do, without having found a nutrition program that worked for me.  Indeed, I would likely be plagued by health issues today, like diabetes or heart disease, that I've managed to stave off because I got my nutrition and exercise under control back then.  

And for that,  I am very thankful.

GJ Day 9: Technology

I know what you're probably thinking, that this is in praise of computers (most people who know me might think that), but this is a bigger thought for today.

I could say that I love technology, but that's not really what I mean.  It's not today's high-tech, like smartphones, satellites and videoconferencing.  It's technology in general, and the human capability to create that underlies our society.

Remember, the wheel is technology; indoor plumbing is technology; trains, planes, electricity, building materials - these are all creations born from the application of the human mind to a problem.  And technology builds on itself - from the wheel, to the cart, to the wagon, to the train, etc.

And technology isn't just about things, but ideas as well - philosophies, forms of government, and societal norms and how we communicate them - heck, even communication is a technology that we developed.  

Sometimes we think that we are living in the ultimate age - the pinnacle of human endeavor; I say we are just at the beginning.  The continued application of thought, both individual and collective / collaborative thought, will continue to bring advancements in knowledge, morality, and philosophy for years / centuries / millennia to come, eventually not even on this planet.  While I'm grateful to live in this world where disease is rare, medicines are widely available, communication can be instantaneous with anywhere in the world, it's only just beginning.

GJ Day 8: In Praise of Procrastination

Why put off to tomorrow what you could do the day after?

Not may people think procrastination is a good thing, and 90 % of the time, I would tend to agree.  But in the other 10% of the time, I recognize procrastination for what it can be: time to reflect.

I'm a big believer in something that the founder of my company said:

"All the problems of the world could be settled easily if men were only willing to think. The trouble is that men very often resort to all sorts of devices in order not to think, because thinking is such hard work." - Thomas J. Watson

That's what led to my company's motto: Think.

And for me, procrastination - the delay in engaging on a topic, or doing a chore, or reaching out to someone, is frequently a way for me to turn over an issue in my head, to let the 'batch processing' of my brain work on it while I do other things.  

The idea of an obligation lurks in my head for a while when I'm putting it off, and often enough, when I finally sit down to do it, the issue turns out to be easy.  It's not necessarily that it was always easy, but rather that my brain figured out how to do it when I wasn't looking.

Last weekend, I finally decided to install new lights in my basement.  It's been on my list for a while now (weeks, actually), in part because there was one section that I didn't know what I was going to do.  I was likely going to have to move one power box to another area to get the light I wanted, but that was in a cramped spot, and I wasn't going to able to move something in the way.

I would see that spot every time I used my basement, stare at it for a while, and walk away, shaking my head.  Finally, last weekend, I'd had enough, bought the parts, and decided to tackle the job.

As soon as I went downstairs and looked at the receptacle I had to move, *bang* , I knew exactly what had to be done, how to move the receptacle to a more open spot and get the light I needed.  I didn't suddenly become a genius, but all that time, I had the issue working in the background, so that when I needed it, the answer came.  

Had I started on the project earlier, I would have struggled, would have made different (and in retrospect, very poor) decisions, and might've been disappointed in the outcome.   Putting it off (in this case) worked out.

That's not to say procrastination is always good - indeed, it more often is not.  But when the problem is tough, and the timeline is open, giving time and space to an idea, by ignoring it, can work out.

GJ Day 7: Jelly Beans

If you need an explanation, you don't understand.

GJ Day 6: Running

 It's funny to be writing about a love of running today, as today, running did not love me back.

I'm injured - this morning, while on my run, I pulled a calf muscle.  Normally I would just walk home, but this one was deep and big (which means painful).  I actually had to call my wife and have her come pick me up 2 1/2 miles away from our house, 'cause I didn't want to damage myself more hobbling the way I was.  As I write this about 12 hours later, it still hurts, But the feeling I had as soon as it happened was not really one of pain, but one of loss.  I knew that this was going to sideline me for a week or two, and coming back to running would be hard.  

I've been a runner for a bit over 21 years now, having run my first race in 1999 when my wife was pregnant with our son.  Back then, I really didn't think that I would come to identify myself as a runner and an athlete - I thought that first 5K was going to be a 'one and done' situation.  But I got the bug, and with a motivational employee, I started running longer and longer, topping out at 50K ultramarathons and half-Ironman triathlons.  

Like all loves, there was a time when the flame burned bright, when running was almost all I would talk about.  I would listen to podcasts, read magazines, join in interview shows and follow the sport, as well as doing actual running and racing, eventually putting on my own race because no one else had one where I lived.  But also like all loves, passion fades and is replaced by a comfortable, nurturing relationship, a dependence on the other (an imperfect metaphor, as running doesn't really need me....)

And that's where I am now.  I look back and I am grateful for what running has brought into my life.  I'm grateful to Dan, who got me to run my first half marathon and marathon.  I'm thankful to Steve, Kevin, Chris, Nigel, Angie and Trevor, and a host of other runners who host podcasts and build communities around our sport.  I'm grateful for the day that my wife was late for a bus, and had to run home during a walk, deciding that this 'running thing' I do was pretty cool.   It has changed my life for the better, and given me more than I could have expected.

 

GJ Day 5: Podcasts

Everyone talks about them; lots of people can't stand them, but me?  I'm a fan.  A big fan.

What started as an attempt to build communities, educate others, and for some, get their name more well known has become a massive market, filled with highly-produced, polished, and informative sessions that we listen to in the car, on a run, or while working in the garage.

Back in the day, it was radio, but that was a 'listen or miss it' scenario; podcasts give us the ability to transcend time, to listen to content that we are interested in on our own schedule.  Right now, one podcast i'm listening to is a few years old, but it's about the Constitution, so all still relevant.  Another is just a few months old, and the way they talk about Coronavirus almost seems quaint, like it's just a cold that everyone's getting.  

But the other benefit is also the ability to select your topic and your attention span.   I get the 10 minute headlines in the morning, but also the 45 minute indepth look at politics, or science, or the Supreme Court, along with my shows about endurance running, and of course, Wait, Wait, Dont Tell Me, and Car Talk (even if only in repeats)

My favorites are still the original types - lone podcasters or a couple of friends, who just want to get together and talk, share what they know, and hope that others want the same.  They don't (usually) carry ads, they don't worry about the size of their audience, and they don't over-produce.  For me on my runs, those are like carrying on a conversation with someone, when I'm too winded to talk much. 

Gratitude journal - Day 4 (GJ4): Boy Scouts

These days may not be the best time to discuss Scouting in a positive light.  This has been a rough year for Scouting given the number of negative headlines in the press, lawsuits (legitimate and otherwise) and the bankruptcy of the National Unit.   

But I'm still a believer, and I'm still a fan.  Scouting had enormous impacts on me and my sons, and continues to be a phenomenal program for building character, discipline, honor, and skills within our children.  I say children, not just boys, because Scouting evolves, and in my town, the first female Eagle Scouts will be celebrated in just a few months, having completed the same courses as the boys who precede them.

Through my involvement, I have seen Scouting's effects on teenagers, helping them to mature, accept responsibility, become leaders, and become better citizens.  There have been several Scouts whose lives I have seen turned in such a positive direction, largely due to the positive male role models that they encounter through the program.  

I sincerely hope that Scouting will emerge from it's current troubles, that the safety protocols put in place years ago will continue to function to protect our scouts, and that the Scouting program continues to grow and, filling the voids in some teens' lives, and enriching many of them.

GJ Day 3: Going the extra mile

It's two days after Thanksgiving and today we put up our Christmas tree. This is always a time of memories, as most of our ornaments have some connection to our past and our travels. 

This year, I was reminded of our years in Spain, especially those first days when we didn't know anything, didn't have anything, didn't speak the language, and were having a terrible time getting anything done.

To wit: In our first week in Spain, we were at the local hypermarket (imagine a supermarket and an entire department store combined in one building), trying to buy some of the necessities for our new house, including a bed and mattress.  We had two young children (3 and 5) and spent what felt like an hour looking at beds and wondering how the process worked.  No one was coming to ask if we needed help, and we had no idea how to communicate that we wanted to buy one (would you carry a mattress up to the cash register?)

So we went to the cash register and asked (in horribly broken Spanish, we now realize) how to purchase a bed and mattress, knowing only the word for bed, and not mattress.  The poor cashier who had to deal with us had no idea what we wanted, as she spoke no Engish, and we were not even functionally illiterate in Spanish.

Enter the stranger.  A Spaniard, who overheard our troubles, and stepped in to help.  He didn't work there, he was just another customer, there with his wife to shop for something, who saw people in distress and didn't walk away.  He offered himself to act as translator, not only of the language, but of the process.  His English wasn't perfect, but it was but it was a godsend, and through trial and error, he was able to tell us that we ordered now, and EVERYTHING was delivered.  He stayed and worked through the whole process with us and the cashier, and didn't leave until he was sure everything was taken care of.

Just as in the story of the Good Samaritan, this man could have kept going, ignored our plight, and forgotten about us in no time.  But rather than do that, he sacrificed his time and energy to help complete strangers, who hadn't even respected his country enough to learn how to communicate.  It was an honorable and noble thing to do, and I've not forgotten it.

These people are everywhere.  They don't get the attention that the "Karens" of our culture do; they're not the troublemakers, they're the trouble-stoppers.  The people who, through small gestures, make a difference in the lives of the people they meet.  It could be holding the door open for someone, helping carry a big package to someone's car, stopping by a car on the side of the road to see if someone needs help, or even just smiling and asking a sincere "How are you?", especially in these times of communal discomfort.

They're hard to see - so few of us call out attention to these people, their small acts of kindness get lost in the noise of our environments, sometimes not even recognized by the people they benefit.  Such people aren't after recognition, though; they do these small things just because they're the right thing to do.  That's where nobility is truly seen.

Gratitude Journal (GJ) Day 2: My job

 No, before you ask, these are in no particular order, other than what comes to mind when I sit down to write.

I'm not sure how many people would list their job as something they are grateful for, except for maybe those for whom their job is their lifeline.  Mine has always been more than that, even though at times (like now) I wonder whether it is what I am supposed to be doing.

But my job and my career have been good to me.  They helped solidify my relationship with my wife, took me around the world (literally, to six of the continents!) and gave me the financial stability that I desired for many years.  I have also learned a lot about myself and about other people, other perspectives, other cultures and other ways of thinking about issues, in a way that I would never have done before.

That said, it's not always pleasant, it's not always easy, and it's frequently frustrating.  I deal with issues of ambition, disappointment, frustration, and uncertainty all the time.  But even those create learning experiences, including learning about myself and my own motivations.  

There's no telling how long I have left in this career, but I'm hoping that I can take what I have learned, and apply it in new ways, to new organizations, or even to go into teaching the next generation (or so), but in looking back, I have to appreciate where a summer internship has taken me.

Gratitude Journal (GJ) - Day 1: I'm alive!

 I'm no good at keeping a journal.  I recognize that now.

So for the next 30 days, Thanksgiving through Christmas 2020, I'm going to try to keep a journal with a purpose.  While Gratitude is becoming the new 'in' thing, it's a relative stranger to me, so I'm taking the next 30 days to reflect daily on something I am grateful for in the world, in a year where so many people have so many reasons to focus on their troubles, not on their happiness. We'll see how consistent I'll be.

Today, I've been thinking about just being grateful that I'm alive, when and where I am.  I've made it to middle age (some would say past that), and I'm still basically in one piece.  There are many people I've known through the years who didn't make it this far, due to car accidents, overdoses, cancer, and most recently, COVID.  

But it's more than that - I'm grateful for the time I'm living in, where science has progressed to the point where we can defend against pandemics and prevent diseases from overwhelming us.  In a time where people can learn almost anything, and become what they want to be, rather than just what tradition and culture requires us to be.  In a society where we are free to complain about almost anything, including our leaders and our own society and culture, without fear of institutional retribution (even though society can respond negatively about the thoughts we express).  

And in a time where communication can be instant and 'personal' in that we can see each other and talk to each other in real time, rather than only by e-mail, telephone, or letter.  It's still not the same as being able to see people in person, but when I am talking to people online when they are on the other side of the planet, or even just a few (hundred) miles away, and can see their faces and their body language, and hear the nuances in their voices, it's a pretty close second to being there.

So I'm glad I'm here, and I'm glad that 'here' is what it is, even if we're a bit gloomy right now.  And if anyone is reading this, I'm glad you're here too, but more on that in a later post.

Things Change (but really they don't)

It's been a while since I posted (I've warned you that I'm not a frequent blogger) and since then, a lot has changed.

First, COVID - when I wrote last, the virus was starting to have an impact here in the US, and so far the impact has been significant.  Over 100,000 people have died, and a multiple of that have contracted the virus.  While I and my family have been spared,  I have known several people who got sick, and one person from my office (and my softball team) has died.  Right now, we are in the midst of a re-opening of most businesses, although the effects on society are evident.  At least in my area, everyone wears face masks, most businesses are still closed, but starting to re-open, lots of people are still walking/biking/running outside when the weather is good, but there is still a vacant feeling in the air.

Second - the riots.  Last week, there was a video of a deadly arrest in Minneapolis in which an officer knelt on the neck of a suspect for nearly 9 minutes, 3 of which he was unresponsive, and perhaps already dead.  This has triggered protests in many cities in the US (and some outside the US) about the treatment of African-Americans at the hands of police.  The protests in many cases turned violent, with burning cars, looting, and sometimes shootings (both at and from police, and not involving police).

Beneath all this, there are murder hornets, the start of hurricane season, incredibly high unemployment, and many many many fears about the future.

My reactions to all of this?  Well, it can be overwhelming.  Just when I think I've got a handle on things, something else pops up.  Am I directly affected by most of this?  Thankfully, no, but that doesn't mean I won't be, or someone I care about personally won't be affected.  I really don't know what good I could do, but I can't shake the feeling that there is more I should be doing, when it's just easier to shut my ears and my mouth and try to get on with my own concerns. 

On the Floyd George issue - no one, of any race, should have been treated the way he was when they were not being actively violent.  This type of behavior by police (or anyone) needs to stop.  The rioting, however, does not help address the issue, but I'm afraid only reinforces stereotypes.  The divisiveness this is bringing out in our country (even in my normally peaceful town) is a troubling element.  This 'us vs. them' approach to so many issues is just not productive in any way, and with tensions already high, people are making snap judgements about anything others say, rather than taking a minute to ask why someone says something in a certain way.  Sadly, the lack of national leadership is not helping (well, the lack of positive national leadership)

On COVID - this is going to pass, but we will be changed by it.  I personally will work from home for the rest of this year, if not far longer, and my team will do the same.  We'll act differently for a while, and then we'll forget, as we do with so many things (including the underlying causes for the racial unrest right now).  As my boys go to and return to college this Fall, their experiences will be different, as my son's high school senior year has been.  He will miss some memories that most of us have, but he'll have different ones which will shape his character.  The fall is going to be full of fret and worry, as we look carefully at signs of re-emergence, but we are now better equipped and prepared to deal with it.

Until then, I'm trying to make the most of it; watching my diet and ramping up my exercise.  I've lost nearly 20 pounds so far this year, and am trying to drop another 10.  There are no races to run, so I'm just doing that for me now. 

More later, as I would like to keep this journal as my diary of the interlude and re-emergence.  The first two months of this was too full of constant news to keep up.  Maybe I can do better now.

Relative importance

For the past few weeks, the latest of the coronaviruses has been spreading around the world, and around the country.  As I write this, the impact on our society continues to expand, with schools and colleges closed until further notice, several countries closing their borders (including the US),  and significant declarations of emergencies in states and the nation, prompting closure of many businesses as well.

As of this morning (March 15th), there are over 150,000 people infected worldwide, including 3,000 in the US, and many thousands in countries like China, Iran, Italy, Spain, and France.  Over 5,000 people have died, mainly in China, where 80,000 are infected and 3,000 have died.

Locally in SW Connecticut, we've had several cases in nearby towns, but none yet in my town.  They will come.  Social distancing, the practice of keeping distances and avoiding large crowds, will help, but will not be enough to completely secure us from infection. 

My company was one of those who early decided to have people work from home - in fact, on the day that was declared, I already had my team working from home to test our systems.  We're now on Day 7 of an informal self-quarantine. 

The reaction in society has been pretty intense, with some panic buying in the markets (especially toilet paper), and many people sounding off about the irrationality of everyone else :-). 

Today, it hit me directly.  During my morning inside bike workout, I experienced a bit of a dry cough, something that doesn't ordinarily happen.  Knowing that a cough, fever, and shallow breathing are the three symptoms, I immediately took my temperature (very low at 96.8) and discussed self-isolation in my house with my wife.  Oddly, she immediately agreed, and as soon as I was barricaded in my home office, she proceeded to clean everything I might have touched in the morning. 

It's now been a total of about 9 hours since that happened, and I feel fine, other than the infrequent cough that seems to persist.  My temperature has increased to 97.5, so still sub-normal (or about the same as my wife's temperature) so I'm hoping that I'm clean.  Until tomorrow morning, I'll stay in isolation, and if nothing has progressed, I'll go back to (virtual) work and move about a bit more.

The Whirlwind calms

The last six weeks has been a bit of a blur for me.  After the holidays, I went straight into my normal beginning-of-year work cycle, and at the end of that, we went right into a work re-organization that kept me busy right until this past weekend.

Not that the work stress has gone away - it's just a little bit lower.  My inbox is overstuffed, my work ambitions for the year have yet to be documented and initiated in the form of projects, and the two projects that really should have been moving already haven't really started, despite me laying out the project plans over the holiday break.

Is any of this strange?  Not really.  Work is work, and that's a function of the position I've risen to, as well as the structure and pressures of my company.  Those haven't really changed for years, and probably won't change anytime soon.

Which is why I started this year with a goal of taking care of myself first.  I've been reviewing old logs, and connecting dots.  I seem to have a vicious / virtuous cycle surrounding sleep, nutrition, and stress.  When I'm not sleeping well, and when I'm not taking care of my nutrition, my stress levels get much higher (sometimes way too high), and my ability to respond positively to stress and frustration is hampered.

So if I know that stress is going to continue, I have to focus on the elements I can control.  For the first month of the year, I focused on sleep - getting 8 hours a night (OK, at least 7.5) where I typically would get 6-7 maximum.  I was actually surprised at the result - I was in better control of nutrition, and my handling of stressful events was much better (people at work actually mentioned how much calmer I was). 

More surprising was the result for the last two weeks, where I allowed that work stress to affect my sleep, staying up late to answer e-mails, joining earlier-than-should-be-scheduled calls, and on one night, allowing a barrage of unpleasant internal news events to keep me awake for most of the night.  My workouts suffered, my desire to do anything suffered, I didn't even track my nutrition for a week, and I was almost entirely unable to handle the waves of issues and problems coming at me.

This past long weekend, including a college-search road trip with my family, was the break that I needed to re-set.   I took a bit of time to step out of myself, look at things objectively again, and get a new perspective on the issues I face.  It was good.  Some conclusions:

• Putting my own needs first isn't selfish - it's part of my longer-term strategy for success, and a better role-modelling for my team
• There are things I can control, but there are more things that I can.  While Sleep and Nutrition are easy, Stress Reactions are a bit harder.  Totally do-able though, if I keep my long-term objectives in mind, and spend my time focused on those.
• Time is my natural resource, and my best weapon.  How I spend my time needs to be my top priority
• If my key skill is Organizational Capability, I need to work on that with my team.  We will stop doing things that are not valuable, and start doing the things that only we can do.  It sounds easy, but within my company, where everything defaults to my function, that's a bigger hurdle than it sounds.
• Finally, my career ambitions are not as important as my work ambitions.  Focusing on accomplishing at work will make me satisfied, and is what I control.  Promotions, competitive politics, etc. is in my influence, but not my control, so I will allow that to happen as it will.

Will this be easy?  Of course not, but if I spend my valuable time doing the things that will help me sustain my performance, good outcomes, both personal and professional, will come.