So it's been a truly awful couple of weeks. That's awful by my standards, which for some people would really just be par for the course. It was all due to work, of course, and the nasty side effects that excessive work brings.
What do I mean by excessive? Last week (Monday through Sunday), I worked 104 hours. I'm in finance, and this was due to our end-of-year accounting, so I wasn't surprised by the need for extra overtime. This is my 22nd January in the company, and the first month of the year is always intense. This was exceptional, though, as I am one person short in my department, and we had to cover the gaps, and deal with some new managers at the same time.
But the fact that I was working so much wasn't the problem. It's the other stuff that disrupts me. First, working that many hours, plus commuting and the occasional shower, I wasn't sleeping enough. I got about 4-6 hours a night, when I have learned that I really need 7. Second, because of scheduled meetings and not enough sleep, I wasn't exercising much. I was in recovery for a few days from my race, so this wasn't a big deal until the last few days.
Even that would have been tolerable, though, but the reality is that when I am sleep-deprived, I make bad decisions (so do you, by the way). Specifically, I make bad decisions about food and drink. I think that I perceive extra (or unhealthy) foods as energy compensation for the lack of sleep, but I also think it's just that my discipline system is the first to fatigue, and I'm more prone to 'giving in'. Both are probably true, but whatever the cause, I wind up eating worse than I should and drinking too little water and too much soda for the caffeine content (which actually, I didn't do too badly this month).
And the result is chilling. This morning, I weighed in at 198 pounds - WAY too close to my 200 lb. limit, and a 'red alert' that I need to obey. I had been hoping to be at about 192 by now, but my butt got kicked again. What's worse is that I had a dream I'd been dreading - where I wake up and go to wash up, but notice my hands are swollen. When I look in the mirror, I realize that I've gained back all the weight I had lost, and I was back to 270 lbs, where I haven't been for nearly 15 years. I'm actually surprised I haven't had that dream before, but having it now was terrible for me. I woke up (really this time) with such a sense of disappointment and loss; feelings that I do not want to experience in reality.
Add to that the fact that I've been working so much, I haven't seen my family for over a week. Sure, I've been coming home to sleep, but I get home after everyone's in bed, and I leave for the office before they are awake. Post-it notes have taken the place of hugs and dinnertime conversations. I really miss those dinners.
So now it's time to re-jump start. Both my wife and I are going to declare January 15th New New Year's day. Our resolutions didn't start two weeks ago - no! they're just starting now. It's something we've done before (after a bad yearend cycle) and that actually worked. Today I cleaned out my office - no more unhealthy food there, and tomorrow morning, I've blocked time on my calendar for a longer run than the 1-milers I've been doing to maintain my streak. I will re-start my fitness cycle (pushups, crunches, and pullups) and get back onto my path down to 190 lbs or lower by July 1st, although I know I can do it faster. I'm going to start calling it a day much earlier at work, so I can see my wife and kids in the daylight. We're going to work together (as we often do) and encourage each other through the hard times ahead, but we'll feel better on April 15th than we do on January 15th. Tomorrow, I will turn over that new leaf that is just waiting for me.
That is, after I get some sleep.
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