After a very successful Lent, where I really watched what I ate, eliminated soda, cookies, baked goods, etc, Easter eventually came, and with that, old habits came ROARING back.
(That's one element of my personality that frustrates me, and even more that I see it in my son. Our habits are deep-set, and hard to really break.)
After losing several pounds during this Lent (as I often do), 10 days away from a healthy diet set me back, big time. I'm not back to where I started, but I can see it from here. And I'm scared.
Scared because I recognize the path I'm on, and where it will take me if left unchecked. Scared because I know the next three weeks will not help me due to work and some upcoming travel. Scared because I know that this is the time of year I can get momentum, and if I don't do it now, I might not do it at all.
This is not a pleasant feeling. Nor, however, is it inevitable. As with many elements of my life, I have the capacity to control it. What seems to be missing, though, is the deep-seated desire to control it.
In order to succeed in this weight-loss plan, I have to put long-term gains ahead of short-term ones. Hard to do in the environment I'm in, both physically and mentally. If I could, I would work out a lot, which actually keeps my appetite down (weird, huh?), but no, I spend a lot of time in meetings, sitting and not moving. My fitness tracker hates that, and I'm starting to, as well.
And while sitting doesn't make me hungry, boredom does, and for me, a lack of physical activity triggers boredom. I know, it's all emotional, not physical, and I do derive a certain satisfaction out of feelings of hunger (at least I did during this past Lent).
I need to make some structural changes to my work-life, and if I do, I can succeed. Every morning in bed, it seems like such an easy thing to do, and every night, it seems like such an important thing to do.
Now if I could just bring myself to do it.......
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