So it's been a truly awful couple of weeks. That's awful by my standards, which for some people would really just be par for the course. It was all due to work, of course, and the nasty side effects that excessive work brings.
What do I mean by excessive? Last week (Monday through Sunday), I worked 104 hours. I'm in finance, and this was due to our end-of-year accounting, so I wasn't surprised by the need for extra overtime. This is my 22nd January in the company, and the first month of the year is always intense. This was exceptional, though, as I am one person short in my department, and we had to cover the gaps, and deal with some new managers at the same time.
But the fact that I was working so much wasn't the problem. It's the other stuff that disrupts me. First, working that many hours, plus commuting and the occasional shower, I wasn't sleeping enough. I got about 4-6 hours a night, when I have learned that I really need 7. Second, because of scheduled meetings and not enough sleep, I wasn't exercising much. I was in recovery for a few days from my race, so this wasn't a big deal until the last few days.
Even that would have been tolerable, though, but the reality is that when I am sleep-deprived, I make bad decisions (so do you, by the way). Specifically, I make bad decisions about food and drink. I think that I perceive extra (or unhealthy) foods as energy compensation for the lack of sleep, but I also think it's just that my discipline system is the first to fatigue, and I'm more prone to 'giving in'. Both are probably true, but whatever the cause, I wind up eating worse than I should and drinking too little water and too much soda for the caffeine content (which actually, I didn't do too badly this month).
And the result is chilling. This morning, I weighed in at 198 pounds - WAY too close to my 200 lb. limit, and a 'red alert' that I need to obey. I had been hoping to be at about 192 by now, but my butt got kicked again. What's worse is that I had a dream I'd been dreading - where I wake up and go to wash up, but notice my hands are swollen. When I look in the mirror, I realize that I've gained back all the weight I had lost, and I was back to 270 lbs, where I haven't been for nearly 15 years. I'm actually surprised I haven't had that dream before, but having it now was terrible for me. I woke up (really this time) with such a sense of disappointment and loss; feelings that I do not want to experience in reality.
Add to that the fact that I've been working so much, I haven't seen my family for over a week. Sure, I've been coming home to sleep, but I get home after everyone's in bed, and I leave for the office before they are awake. Post-it notes have taken the place of hugs and dinnertime conversations. I really miss those dinners.
So now it's time to re-jump start. Both my wife and I are going to declare January 15th New New Year's day. Our resolutions didn't start two weeks ago - no! they're just starting now. It's something we've done before (after a bad yearend cycle) and that actually worked. Today I cleaned out my office - no more unhealthy food there, and tomorrow morning, I've blocked time on my calendar for a longer run than the 1-milers I've been doing to maintain my streak. I will re-start my fitness cycle (pushups, crunches, and pullups) and get back onto my path down to 190 lbs or lower by July 1st, although I know I can do it faster. I'm going to start calling it a day much earlier at work, so I can see my wife and kids in the daylight. We're going to work together (as we often do) and encourage each other through the hard times ahead, but we'll feel better on April 15th than we do on January 15th. Tomorrow, I will turn over that new leaf that is just waiting for me.
That is, after I get some sleep.
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
Sunday, January 4, 2015
Heppy New Year (3 days late)
So it's January 4th, and it's already been a fairly interesting year (by my standards). Yesterday, I ran a 50K race about an hour away from home, which is the first time I've run that distance (or intentionally run anythng longer than a marathon). It was a good bit of a struggle, with lots of walking in the last third of the race, but I finished it in 5:46:30, so respectable, but not remarkable.
It would have been better had I actually trained for it. I had run a marathon about eight weeks ago, setting a PR of 4:11:20 in the process despite being a few weeks short on my training. After that, I took a few light weeks, worked up to long runs of 15 miles, and ran 3 long runs before this race. That's less than I should have had, but doing this race was a late decision - I only decided to do this about three weeks ago, and it really wasn't until the week before that I really committed. So no 20-milers, no stretch long runs of 24, 25, 27 miles, bur just a silly, naive intention that if I could run a marathon, I could run a 50K. I was right, and I expect I'll be right again some time. They run this race each year, and I came in 21st out of 22 finishers, so I have lots of ways to improve. And hey, there's a first time for everything, which implies a second time, I hope.
After the race (a day after, technically), my kids asked what we were having for dinner, and she say we were going out to eat (a rarity) to a steakhouse (a REAL rarity!). It turns out she was taking me out to celebrate the race, which was a really nice gesture, and great to do on the day before our real 2015 push starts (on diet and exercise fronts).
Sadly, though, much of my extended family is suffering on the heath front. My father-in-law is in the hospital, my niece and grand-nephew are both sick with stomach bugs, and another family member broke his leg at work. It's not good when bad stuff happens, but it's all happening a few steps removed from me, and my immediate family is doing okay, so I'll just count my blessings.
I've now got a few focus areas for 2015: Fitness (losing a little bit of weight, maybe?), Gratitude (showing and feeling it more), Focus (on whatever I am doing - stopping the multitasking) and Family - getting in the time while I still have it with my boys. The first four days were not full of progress against my goals, but I'm okay with that. Tomorrow is Monday, the classic day for new starts, and my wife and I are looking for ways to help each other out. We'll see in a week if our passion for our goals is greater or gone. (I'm hoping the former).
Today's weight: 193.2 (but that's because I raced yesterday. I'm really about 195.5 lbs)
It would have been better had I actually trained for it. I had run a marathon about eight weeks ago, setting a PR of 4:11:20 in the process despite being a few weeks short on my training. After that, I took a few light weeks, worked up to long runs of 15 miles, and ran 3 long runs before this race. That's less than I should have had, but doing this race was a late decision - I only decided to do this about three weeks ago, and it really wasn't until the week before that I really committed. So no 20-milers, no stretch long runs of 24, 25, 27 miles, bur just a silly, naive intention that if I could run a marathon, I could run a 50K. I was right, and I expect I'll be right again some time. They run this race each year, and I came in 21st out of 22 finishers, so I have lots of ways to improve. And hey, there's a first time for everything, which implies a second time, I hope.
After the race (a day after, technically), my kids asked what we were having for dinner, and she say we were going out to eat (a rarity) to a steakhouse (a REAL rarity!). It turns out she was taking me out to celebrate the race, which was a really nice gesture, and great to do on the day before our real 2015 push starts (on diet and exercise fronts).
Sadly, though, much of my extended family is suffering on the heath front. My father-in-law is in the hospital, my niece and grand-nephew are both sick with stomach bugs, and another family member broke his leg at work. It's not good when bad stuff happens, but it's all happening a few steps removed from me, and my immediate family is doing okay, so I'll just count my blessings.
I've now got a few focus areas for 2015: Fitness (losing a little bit of weight, maybe?), Gratitude (showing and feeling it more), Focus (on whatever I am doing - stopping the multitasking) and Family - getting in the time while I still have it with my boys. The first four days were not full of progress against my goals, but I'm okay with that. Tomorrow is Monday, the classic day for new starts, and my wife and I are looking for ways to help each other out. We'll see in a week if our passion for our goals is greater or gone. (I'm hoping the former).
Today's weight: 193.2 (but that's because I raced yesterday. I'm really about 195.5 lbs)
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
New Year - Not so new Me
So, at this point, (11:45 on new year's eve) I'll admit it. I'm heading into 2015 with mixed emotions. I'm not particularly happy with the progress I've made during 2014; as I feel like I'm ending the year where I started in many ways (or in some cases, behind). I'm also not as energized for 2015 as I'd like to be, and I'm anticipating a very tough month at work to start the year.
A tough month means early days, late nights, weekends, and very little time for family, community work, or personal priorities. I've got my goals for 2015, but without a lot of really careful planning and persistence, I won't accomplish them. Getting a fast start is going to be really important, but I'm just not confident that's going to happen, and I'm concerned about the effect that's going to have on my overall year.
This may just be my learned pessimism showing through (I'm actually a natural optimist, I think). Or maybe it's fear, or advance excuses for when I don't hit my 2015 goals. It's been the way I've felt for three or four months now, EVEN THOUGH I HAVE NO REASON TO FEEL THIS WAY! The last quarter of 2014 resulted in a lot of personal successes for me, and I can head into the new year with a few successes.
Maybe I just need to adjust my perspective and get the new year started with a bang. Perhaps in a few days I'll have some more recent successes to point to.
A tough month means early days, late nights, weekends, and very little time for family, community work, or personal priorities. I've got my goals for 2015, but without a lot of really careful planning and persistence, I won't accomplish them. Getting a fast start is going to be really important, but I'm just not confident that's going to happen, and I'm concerned about the effect that's going to have on my overall year.
This may just be my learned pessimism showing through (I'm actually a natural optimist, I think). Or maybe it's fear, or advance excuses for when I don't hit my 2015 goals. It's been the way I've felt for three or four months now, EVEN THOUGH I HAVE NO REASON TO FEEL THIS WAY! The last quarter of 2014 resulted in a lot of personal successes for me, and I can head into the new year with a few successes.
Maybe I just need to adjust my perspective and get the new year started with a bang. Perhaps in a few days I'll have some more recent successes to point to.
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
New Year coming - the blank slate returns
Well, I'll admit it; I was a victim of the holidays and of vacation this year. It's not the first time, and it won't be the last.
But tomorrow is New Year's Eve, which brings with it the promise of resolutions and new starts. I don't make resolutions, though - I set goals. And I've set my goals for the new year already, in areas of personal fitness, professional success, and social engagement with my family and my community. These are all aligned with my personal mission statement, although some of my goals which should be 'maintains' are actually 'improves'.
I'm actually okay with that, as I had a banner year this year (2014). While I did not fully accomplish all of my goals, I did really well on them, and I believe I made more progress than I would have otherwise. I got a new job in my company, finished a religious education program, worked as an Assistant Scoutmaster, and met many of my fitness challenges. This last category, though, is where I fell the most short, as a few of my longer-term objectives (being able to do pull-ups, for example) just didn't happen. In the big picture, these were less-important to me, and when time became crunched, they were eliminated.
For 2015, I need to keep my goals realistic. Time is my most limited resource, so that's going to be the constraint I have to address the whole year. Having been on vacation for a few days, I am already falling into the trap of thinking I can do more than I really can once work and other engagements creep back into my daily life. What I need to do better in this year, more than anything else, is to manage my time and my priorities better. Especially at work, I need to focus on the important, not just the urgent, and really discriminate the things that only I can do, versus those that others can do (especially if they can do them better). That's always been hard for me, as I tend to think that I'm the only one who can do many things the 'right' way, when really, it's just 'my' way. There are more right ways than I usually think of, and I need to accept that 90% of 'my way' may actually be better, especially if it trains someone else to think about how to do things differently.
That's a lot to think about, but my other objective for 2015 is to be more engaged. I've spent the last six months sleepwalking, it seems, and I need to be done with that. If I focus my time on the task at hand, it will probably get done better than if I'm constantly multitasking. And the only way to stop trying to do everything is to distribute authority with responsibility more often, and to the right, talented people I work with. How to do that best - I haven't figured out yet, but with some changes coming, and some quiet time scheduled every day to just think, I will figure it out.
On to 2015, a year of new engagement, new ideals, and hopefully, a better me.
But tomorrow is New Year's Eve, which brings with it the promise of resolutions and new starts. I don't make resolutions, though - I set goals. And I've set my goals for the new year already, in areas of personal fitness, professional success, and social engagement with my family and my community. These are all aligned with my personal mission statement, although some of my goals which should be 'maintains' are actually 'improves'.
I'm actually okay with that, as I had a banner year this year (2014). While I did not fully accomplish all of my goals, I did really well on them, and I believe I made more progress than I would have otherwise. I got a new job in my company, finished a religious education program, worked as an Assistant Scoutmaster, and met many of my fitness challenges. This last category, though, is where I fell the most short, as a few of my longer-term objectives (being able to do pull-ups, for example) just didn't happen. In the big picture, these were less-important to me, and when time became crunched, they were eliminated.
For 2015, I need to keep my goals realistic. Time is my most limited resource, so that's going to be the constraint I have to address the whole year. Having been on vacation for a few days, I am already falling into the trap of thinking I can do more than I really can once work and other engagements creep back into my daily life. What I need to do better in this year, more than anything else, is to manage my time and my priorities better. Especially at work, I need to focus on the important, not just the urgent, and really discriminate the things that only I can do, versus those that others can do (especially if they can do them better). That's always been hard for me, as I tend to think that I'm the only one who can do many things the 'right' way, when really, it's just 'my' way. There are more right ways than I usually think of, and I need to accept that 90% of 'my way' may actually be better, especially if it trains someone else to think about how to do things differently.
That's a lot to think about, but my other objective for 2015 is to be more engaged. I've spent the last six months sleepwalking, it seems, and I need to be done with that. If I focus my time on the task at hand, it will probably get done better than if I'm constantly multitasking. And the only way to stop trying to do everything is to distribute authority with responsibility more often, and to the right, talented people I work with. How to do that best - I haven't figured out yet, but with some changes coming, and some quiet time scheduled every day to just think, I will figure it out.
On to 2015, a year of new engagement, new ideals, and hopefully, a better me.
Thursday, December 25, 2014
Christmas, Overdone.
Well, it's Christmas day, and I've just finished the last of three (food-centric) celebrations of the holiday. Boy, am I finished, too.
I'm not where I wanted to be at the end of the year, in a lot of ways. Frankly, I'm not surprised, nor am I too upset. There's another year coming, and another opportunity to set my life on the course that I want it to be on.
I'll spend the next week focused on setting my objectives for the new year. If you've been reading, clearly one of these is weight loss. But there's more to it than that - a lot more. I have career objectives, personal fitness objectives, and goals for my relationships both socially and pseudo-professionally.
I'll also spend the next week relaxing. I'm on vacation next week, and going skiing / snowboarding with my family. This will be followed by an all-out, every day full day at work for about six weeks. As with every year, the first six weeks of the year equates to a lot of work closing the books for my company and locking in our company plans for the coming year. Add to this a round of transformation and reorganization (some of which happens every year, it seems), and it's shaping up to be a tough beginning to the year.
I'm going to continue to blog, and in 2015, I plan to actually blog on relevant stuff, and write these as if they would be interesting to read. I'm working on habits, starting and stopping, good and bad. Hope to see you here next year.
Current weight: 195.2 lbs. In essence, no progress this quarter, other than quitting soda (which has REALLY taken hold - it doesn't even smell good to me now). My immediate goal: get below 192 lbs by the end of January.
Thought of the day: I may be the product of my past, but I am the framer of my future.
I'm not where I wanted to be at the end of the year, in a lot of ways. Frankly, I'm not surprised, nor am I too upset. There's another year coming, and another opportunity to set my life on the course that I want it to be on.
I'll spend the next week focused on setting my objectives for the new year. If you've been reading, clearly one of these is weight loss. But there's more to it than that - a lot more. I have career objectives, personal fitness objectives, and goals for my relationships both socially and pseudo-professionally.
I'll also spend the next week relaxing. I'm on vacation next week, and going skiing / snowboarding with my family. This will be followed by an all-out, every day full day at work for about six weeks. As with every year, the first six weeks of the year equates to a lot of work closing the books for my company and locking in our company plans for the coming year. Add to this a round of transformation and reorganization (some of which happens every year, it seems), and it's shaping up to be a tough beginning to the year.
I'm going to continue to blog, and in 2015, I plan to actually blog on relevant stuff, and write these as if they would be interesting to read. I'm working on habits, starting and stopping, good and bad. Hope to see you here next year.
Current weight: 195.2 lbs. In essence, no progress this quarter, other than quitting soda (which has REALLY taken hold - it doesn't even smell good to me now). My immediate goal: get below 192 lbs by the end of January.
Thought of the day: I may be the product of my past, but I am the framer of my future.
Sunday, December 21, 2014
Rough Week Over
Ah. the Christmas party. The antithesis of what people look for when they are trying to lose weight and maintain fitness. It's been that kind of week for me, with four Christmas parties to attend, due to my participation in work, Scouts, and my church. I realize that I have control over what I eat at these events, but at the same time, it's good to cut loose once in a while.
Of course, it's also better to save up some room before you cut loose, which didn't happen much this week.. A rough schedule at work prevented both decently-long morning workouts and evening workouts until Friday, and the parties didn't help on the intake end. That said, I did drop about a half pound this week, and feel like I've got some momentum.
Why, you ask? Well, for one thing, I gave up soda and have been substituting water, and frankly, it hasn't been hard. Also, my running is still improving, and although I'm only getting in a few miles of running or biking a day, I am still getting it done.
Now that I've kicked soda, my next target is sugar, mainly in the form of desserts and sweets. This one is going to be a bit harder, for a lot of reasons. For one thing, I'm a cookie monster - I just love them, and even started a blog last year centered on cookies. For another, I find that there aren't many substitutes for sweets, especially in the first few days of forming a new habit. The last time I tried this, I switched to nuts, but they're high in fat, which isn't much better.
But hey - now I'm off for Christmas vacation, including a trip down to my mother's house (the source of another food fiesta) and then up to Vermont for a week of skiing, snowshoeing, At the end of this, I may choose to run a 50K before I go into a month-long intense period at work. This period was the cause of a 10-pound gain in October, so my defenses need to be up and strong, and I need a good head start
Of course, it's also better to save up some room before you cut loose, which didn't happen much this week.. A rough schedule at work prevented both decently-long morning workouts and evening workouts until Friday, and the parties didn't help on the intake end. That said, I did drop about a half pound this week, and feel like I've got some momentum.
Why, you ask? Well, for one thing, I gave up soda and have been substituting water, and frankly, it hasn't been hard. Also, my running is still improving, and although I'm only getting in a few miles of running or biking a day, I am still getting it done.
Now that I've kicked soda, my next target is sugar, mainly in the form of desserts and sweets. This one is going to be a bit harder, for a lot of reasons. For one thing, I'm a cookie monster - I just love them, and even started a blog last year centered on cookies. For another, I find that there aren't many substitutes for sweets, especially in the first few days of forming a new habit. The last time I tried this, I switched to nuts, but they're high in fat, which isn't much better.
But hey - now I'm off for Christmas vacation, including a trip down to my mother's house (the source of another food fiesta) and then up to Vermont for a week of skiing, snowshoeing, At the end of this, I may choose to run a 50K before I go into a month-long intense period at work. This period was the cause of a 10-pound gain in October, so my defenses need to be up and strong, and I need a good head start
Saturday, December 13, 2014
Turning the Corner? No, into a circle
I was hopeful after my last post. I woke up Wednesday with the thought "Is this the day I turn it around?" By now, you likely know what 'it' is. It's my nutrition, my exercise plan, my attitude toward many things, notably work, which has been a constant source of stress for weeks months now.
And Wednesday was a good day, in so many ways. My nutrition was on, my diet soda consumption was low (believe me, I need to kick that habit too), and I got in a workout that helped reduce my stress levels a bit. I was really hopeful that I had turned that corner.
But Thursday came. After a VERY late night at work on Wednesday, Thursday was an early start, so I could only get a little under 5 hours of sleep. Fine to do once, but this was the third time in a few days for me to get less than 7. Cue the suspenseful horror music as I look at the day's plan.
Wednesday hadn't been a corner, it was a traffic circle. I had a tailwind for a day, but then turned again into the headwinds of stress and fatigue. Thursday didn't go well. Friday was worse, and at the end of the workday, I did something I really really shouldn't have with some Pepperidge Farm cookies that will not be spoken of again. I hit bottom right then, I think.
So today (Saturday), I woke up with that same feeling from Wednesday - "will this be the day?". Only this time, as I lay in bed to doze and catch up on some rest, I realized that it can't be a question. It needs to be a full-bodied, self-driven commitment that "This WILL be the day", or else I'm handing over my power to the whims of the universe (insert your own religious perspective here).
Today was a good day. An hour long run this morning, compounded by another hour in the cardio gym later in the day (which I had to drag myself to a bit, but out of dread, not tiredness). Found that they activated the wi-fi in the gym, so I got to listen to a podcast and watch a Netflix TV show while working out (The Killing, if you're interested). Nutrition was okay (the day isn't over yet), and I went soda-less, replacing my drinks with water successfully.
Moreover, I am pledging to cut out junk food from my diet for the next six weeks. (Please note that I use the word diet to mean my overalll nutrition regimen, not a temporary, reduced calorie eating plan). And to me, junk food isn't Mcdonalds or pizza or potato chips; I gave those up a long time ago for the most part. What I'm referring to is low-nutrition-density foods, including things like bagels and pretzels, as well as the candy and cookies that, frankly, I love. I am a cookie lover, but they really have to go, in favor of better foods. That's how I'm going to get myself out of this condition, and into a mode where I feel better, which I know I will.
So my official weigh in today was 194.7 lbs. which was up slightly from last week. Not a surprise, nor a disaster. And if I don't make my "under 190" goal by 1/1/15, so be it. I'll work hard for the next three weeks, but I don't believe in miracles. I am realistic about this, and know the direction in which I need to head - speed is not that important.
And Wednesday was a good day, in so many ways. My nutrition was on, my diet soda consumption was low (believe me, I need to kick that habit too), and I got in a workout that helped reduce my stress levels a bit. I was really hopeful that I had turned that corner.
But Thursday came. After a VERY late night at work on Wednesday, Thursday was an early start, so I could only get a little under 5 hours of sleep. Fine to do once, but this was the third time in a few days for me to get less than 7. Cue the suspenseful horror music as I look at the day's plan.
Wednesday hadn't been a corner, it was a traffic circle. I had a tailwind for a day, but then turned again into the headwinds of stress and fatigue. Thursday didn't go well. Friday was worse, and at the end of the workday, I did something I really really shouldn't have with some Pepperidge Farm cookies that will not be spoken of again. I hit bottom right then, I think.
So today (Saturday), I woke up with that same feeling from Wednesday - "will this be the day?". Only this time, as I lay in bed to doze and catch up on some rest, I realized that it can't be a question. It needs to be a full-bodied, self-driven commitment that "This WILL be the day", or else I'm handing over my power to the whims of the universe (insert your own religious perspective here).
Today was a good day. An hour long run this morning, compounded by another hour in the cardio gym later in the day (which I had to drag myself to a bit, but out of dread, not tiredness). Found that they activated the wi-fi in the gym, so I got to listen to a podcast and watch a Netflix TV show while working out (The Killing, if you're interested). Nutrition was okay (the day isn't over yet), and I went soda-less, replacing my drinks with water successfully.
Moreover, I am pledging to cut out junk food from my diet for the next six weeks. (Please note that I use the word diet to mean my overalll nutrition regimen, not a temporary, reduced calorie eating plan). And to me, junk food isn't Mcdonalds or pizza or potato chips; I gave those up a long time ago for the most part. What I'm referring to is low-nutrition-density foods, including things like bagels and pretzels, as well as the candy and cookies that, frankly, I love. I am a cookie lover, but they really have to go, in favor of better foods. That's how I'm going to get myself out of this condition, and into a mode where I feel better, which I know I will.
So my official weigh in today was 194.7 lbs. which was up slightly from last week. Not a surprise, nor a disaster. And if I don't make my "under 190" goal by 1/1/15, so be it. I'll work hard for the next three weeks, but I don't believe in miracles. I am realistic about this, and know the direction in which I need to head - speed is not that important.
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