Long Run cut short - for good reason

As week one of this short endeavor comes to a close, my official weigh-in turned up......ZERO movement from last week.  Now you might think that would make me upset, but NO!  No weight loss this week isn't a tragedy - no weight gain is a success.  Why, you ask?  Because this was the result of Thanksgiving week, and for sure, this could have gone quite badly.  It didn't, which gives me a lot of hope for next week and beyond.

The good thing is that my nutrition seems to be more under control than it has been in a long time, which will help, given that my exercise is a little below normal.  My long run this week was 8 miles on a treadmill due to heavy rain that hit our area on Saturday.  Eight miles isn't really long for me, but I was unusually tired (and for a treadmill, usually bored).  It wasn't until after I finished the entire run (and a two mile walk) that I got undressed and noticed the venipunture site from where I gave blood on Thursday.  For some reason, I always forget that my first long run after donation is just terrible.  This one, comparatively, wasn't actually so bad.  And this morning's run (sunday) was 3 miles at a sub-9:00 pace, which for me, is pretty speedy.  All in all, I'll take what I can get.

So, my official weight is 194.3 pounds as of yesterday (down 0.1 from last week), so about 4 1/2 pounds to go in the next three and a half weeks.  I can do this. 

Thought of the day: I went to see the movie Fury last night - the latest in what seems to be a string of books and movies that I've watched about WW II.  It's not intentional, but I just keep tripping across these items.  It's a period in our lives that I never studied much, as we always ran out of time in history class to get into the near-modern times other than current events, so the 50s and 60s are also a bit lost to me.  I'm reading a book about Eisenhower which has been eye-opening, and has connected elements of recent history that have always seemed disjointed to me.  I think it's a good project to understand from where we have most recently come, not just where we are.

Poor start, but a decent day

Not a terribly interesting day today (as if the last few days had been).  Did a quick run and a walk on Thursday, and gave blood, so I let myself go a bit on my diet (but really, only a bit). 

Friday started with a very bad night's sleep, and then a surprise run - what was meant to be a mile turned into 3, and they were fast; really fast.  I welcome those days when they come, 'cause they don't often stay.  I am, though, thinking that good sleep is the biggest impediment to fast running - yet another example of how my life seems to work a bit backwards from normal.

Today's weigh-in was 193.4 pounds, but tomorrow is the day that matters, and I'm not feeling terribly optimistic.  Yes, the last few days have been good for diet, but exercise was a bit light, and I don't have the energy on this Friday night to do a 'last chance' workout like they do on TV. It may come to that to get myself below 190 by new year's, but we'll have to wait and see.

Thought of the day: Not much.  I've got goals to achieve this month, and I'm determined to achieve them, but my heart doesn't seem to be in it as much as I would like.  That seems to have been my deal for the last few months, as it doesn't seem to be that I'm working on my passions.  Hopefully achieving a few of the smaller goals that are necessary 'base' goals will set up a cascade reaction - when I don't have to spend time and energy achieving these, I'll redirect those energies toward activities I'm more emotionally connected with. 

Day 3 - the Journey continues

Day 3 behind me, and the first day that I made my calorie plan.  Hopefully the first of many in a row, because consistency is the real key to weight loss - both on the diet and the exercise sides.  At least that is the way it is for me, if not for everyone.  The longer I stick to my plans, the easier it is to stick to my plans, 'cause who wants to give up when they have a good streak going?

I also got to run a bit more, although an early morning and late night at work put the kibosh on my 2nd workout for the day.  That's just the way it goes with a job like mine, though.

Today's weigh-in - 193.9 lbs.  Again, it fluctuates a good bit, so I'm neither excited or upset about this number.  My target is 190 by the end of this month, and I will work my butt off to get there. 

Thought of the day: Today is a blood drive at my company, and since I'm not running my scheduled marathon this weekend, i'm going to participate.  I don't know a lot of people who do - some can't due to illness or other conditions, some can't because they are just too freaked out by the needles.  I am neither of those things, I'm healthy, I'm strong, and I bleed well (phlebotomists love me - how many people can say that?), so I kinda think it's my duty.  If you can donate, you should - your body will replenish.  If you want to, but can't - find someone who can and get them to donate.  I did that a few years ago when I was banned from donating, and got three people who are now regular donors.  It costs you almost nothing, and could save someone else's life.

Day 2 behind me

So day 2 (yesterday) was a marked improvement on Day 1, as I got in a half-decent run (4  miles) and kept my calorie intake to only slightly above my target.  Didn't get a chance to do a night workout due to Boy Scouts, but hope to get one in today.

Today's Weight: 195.2 lbs, down 0.9 lbs. (but I fluctuate within a 2-3 pound range all the time, so I'm not taking this as real.  Only my Saturday morning weigh-ins really count).


Thoughts of the day: Listened to Meet the Press this morning about race relations in light of the events in Ferguson, Missouri.  Am painfully aware that we are looking at symptoms of problems, not root causes, so we're not talking about and addressing the right things.  Also: history is history; we need to address the problems we have now, not constantly revisit the past.  Racial discrimination exists, but the problems that our communities experience are socio-economic more than strictly racial/cultural.  If minorities are disparately affected by socio-economic conditions, than addressing problems from that angle will disproportionately help racial/cultural minorities, and I think that's a better way to address the problem.

Fits and Starts

The one consistent thing about this blog is it's inconsistency.  Frankly. I typically don't feel like I have a lot to say, or the ability (or willingness) to say it.    Maybe that should be one of my new year's goals - to decide to have a voice.

So I'm writing now because I have a project.  Specifically, to lose 10 pounds as fast as reasonable (and 6 pounds faster than is reasonable).  Starting yesterday, I want to get below 190 pounds by the end of the year, and stay below that number through all of 2015; something I haven't done since 2009, when I was in China. 

I was on a good tear in 2014, and was in the low 180's for much of the year, but a new job and a marathon threw all of that into disarray.  I'm not blaming anyone else for that, and I'm accepting the facts as facts - there's no point in reliving the past today; my path is only forward.  so I'm going to babble on this blog about whatever's on my mind, if nothing else to be an outlet for me.

Yesterday as Day one didn't go so well.  Only about 15 minute workout due to an early work meeting, and not such a good food day; I wound up 200 calories above my target of 1500, again, no one's fault but my own, but it was a rough start after a not-so-healthy Thanksgiving week.   Today will be better, and not as good as tomorrow.

She bought a banana....

Quick update: I went on a new eating plan during Lent this year, taking out a bunch of habitual foods from my diet. Specifically, Almonds, Cookies, Ice cream, english muffins and toast, and all types of chocolate candy, in addition to bagels and doughnuts.  I know - I should have been eating about half of those things in any case, but that's where we were.  I also cut down by (diet) soda consumption significantly (to about 1/4 of my norm) and switched to water, and some teas.

It was a good plan - it made me think more about what I was eating, and therefore how much I was eating.  In addition, it removed a bunch of mindless eating from my day, and therefore from my calorie intake.  While I did this during Lent, that's not what it was about (or so I thought).

So I jump to Easter.  That didn't go well.  Over two days, I consumed most of those foods again, and felt myself slipping back into old habits in a few ways.  Within the next two weeks, I was violating most of the food bans that I had been using, but that's not the important bit.  The real key was that I was back to the mindless eating and the increased calorie count that came with it. 

Cut to this morning.  After some disappointing news from my dentist (really no big deal though) I stopped to get gas, and popped into the convenience store [Aside: having those at every gas station is a real problem for me.  I just need to say no, but I often fail].  I got myself a bottle of diet soda (My favorite: Dr Pepper) and I searched for something else to gobble.  I knew in my head that I was reacting emotionally, and shouldn't buy anything, but frankly, I didn't case.

I had my piece of pre-packaged baked good in my hand, and went to the counter, right behind an attractive woman of about my age.  She was buying tea, and then I heard her say "Oh, great.  I'll take a banana too".  A banana.  I'm standing there with probably 400 calories of an unnecessary food item, and she is excited about a banana.  My eyes were opened, and as I saw what I was doing, that baked good went back on the shelf next to it's cloned brethren.  I didn't need it.  I really didn't want it.  I took control and changed my day, for the better.

I need to do the same thing writ large.  My weight seems to be a constant struggle for me mentally, and I need to change my thought process around it, and my exercise and my eating plans.  I plan to live for a number of years yet, and I want to ensure those years see me active by choice, not by necessity.

Perspective - "What I have done" vs. "What I have failed to do"

I've been reading a lot of books about leadership lately, and it's interesting that everyone has their list of what makes up a good leader, or a good person, or an effective person, etc.  I think I've had my own list in my head, but candidly, it's been the list of characteristics that I lack, and that hold me back, rather than those that are benefits. 

Lately, I've been noticing those self-negative thoughts more and more, and recognizing them for what they are.  They're not necessarily accurate, and frankly, not really beneficial thoughts that make me want to do and be better.  Rather, I think I use some of them as excuses for why I don't achieve as much as I think I should.

I mentioned earlier that I've taken this season of Lent to think about habits, and taking steps to try and recognize and change them.  Just the fact that I've thought about my habits has changed my physical behaviors (e.g. eating and drinking), and made me more aware of my actions.

So, too, I'm affecting my mental state.  Recognizing those negative thoughts was step 1.  In the past few weeks, Step 2 - I've heard those types of thoughts, and quickly tried to reframe them into successes rather than failures.  It's not "I didn't do all of the 200 pushups I wanted to do", it's "Hey, I did 150 pushups today".  Or changing "my to-do list still has eight things on it" to recognizing that I got a lot done that needed doing, even if they weren't on my morning list. 

It's more than just focusing on the positive, though - it's a momentum play.  If I constantly beat myself up for what I have not done, that's the image that will be foremost in my brain - all my shortcomings, my failures, my "didn'ts".  But if I take note of my successes, they can multiply.  In the end, I can't see what I've torn down, but only the product of my building.

And when that final product is me, it matters.