GJ Day 16: Endurance Training

I've talked about my running on this blog a lot, and there's a reason for that.  It has taught me so much, not just about my physicality, but about my psychology and my emotional states.

And it's helping me through these dark times of the pandemic, more than I realized.  We're at a bit of a low point around the world - many people have died, many more are still in hospitals and new strains of the coronavirus are popping up, with the uncertainty about how they may change the disease.

But there is hope, in the form of at least two vaccines which will help protect our population.  As I write this, first responders, medical professionals and the most vulnerable (the aged in nursing homes) are getting vaccinated, and hopefully in a few months, the general population will start to get the shots as well. 

That's a few months away, and in the meantime, things may get worse.  It's winter now, so people are staying inside more.  COVID fatigue, as it's called, (really lockdown fatigue) is a real thing, and it's pushing people to meet up more often indoors than maybe we should.  Christmas was yesterday, and I'm sure that many many families gathered together, potentially spreading the disease further. 

What does this have to do with endurance training?  Well, during a marathon, the first half is usually pretty easy; a trained running is used to running 18-20-22 miles once a week, so 13 miles is relatively easy.  It's after that first half when things get harder.  We call them 'the middle miles' - past the first half, but not to the point where you're counting down the last few miles (between 22 and 26, say).  

And those middle miles are where the dark times come, along with the dark thoughts.  The thoughts that 'I might not make it' and 'this is too hard' and 'why am I wasting my time doing this?'  It's a time when the body and mind are both struggling, especially knowing what is yet to come before the end of the race, and how much more, and how much harder of an effort is still in front of us.

This is where a runner needs the inner fortitude to ignore the complaints of body and mind, to press on doing what must be done even though it hurts, even though it's uncomfortable, even though it starts to make no sense to continue.  That's where training comes in - because we've been her before in our long runs.  13 miles didn't become easy overnight - as we train, we push out the boundaries of discomfort farther and farther into the run.  We know these dark thoughts are coming - we've had them every week in runs for months, so they're more familiar to us; they are a part of our experience.

Those middle miles - that's where we are right now.  The first half is past us - there's still a long way to go.  But we know that at the end, there's a finish line - immunity for the population.  it's still a long way off and we have to keep doing what we're doing - masking, social distancing, testing, self-checks.  Pretty soon, the vaccine will be available to the rest of us - that's where the countdown to normalcy begins, those last few miles where we realize we CAN do this, we're GOING to do this, we're seeing those who have been successful returning to the race to help others.  That bit is coming.

But the other element that runners need in those middle miles is encouragement, positive encouragement, to help amplify that inner voice that is telling the runner to keep going.  That inner voice can get drowned out by the negativity, but it's always there.  Hearing from our friends and family and the community that they believe in us and that they support us, can make the difference between celebration and defeat.  

So let's stay out there, cheer on our fellow travelers, set the examples for others to follow, and plan for great celebrations (with lots of in-person hugs) for when we cross that line to success.

GJ Day 15: Intervals

For obvious reasons, I'm grateful today for the ability to re-start after taking a break.  Another concept that applies to my running life, I'm now applying it to my blog (again) - forgiving myself for taking the break, and getting started again.

It's something we people do all too often - we set goals for ourselves, but all too often we fail, and give up, and experience the guilt of having not lived up to our own standards.  I'm no different, and I experience the same cycle over and over and over again.  The new key I'm learning is to let go of the guilt, the disappointment, the shame.  Those things which are important will resurface, and if we release the negative emotions (the baggage) of the past, we can work toward a better future.  

And that's really the point of life, isn't it?

GJ Day 14: Family

I got to see my family today.  On a whim, my sisters and I thought to get us all together for a day to celebrate Christmas and see each other for the first time in almost a year (well, see each other in person).  My brother was also in town, as we both live a few hours away from the rest of the family, and we got to actually sit around a backyard and talk.  

And it was comfortable, familiar, and really welcome.  That's what family is - a reminder of where we came from, and the fact that we can always go back, and be welcomed.  

I can't really say enough about how much my family does mean to me, even if we don't see each other as often as I would like.  But I can say that we have shaped each other (well, more that they shaped me, as I'm the youngest one), and I appreciate and love them all.

GJ Day 13: Disappointment

Yeah, this one is a bit weird.  

We never know what the future has in store for us, and we don't know if it will good for us or bad for us. Nor do we know how the choices we make will affect those outcomes.  And sometimes, we just don't get what we want in life.

but if we try real hard, we might find, we get what we need.  

I've been disappointed by outcomes in the past.  Not getting into the school I wanted to, not getting a job that I desired; we've all been there, right?  But looking back, maybe some of those outcomes were actually beneficial.  If I had gone to my goal school, I would not have met the woman that is now my wife.  If I had been offered a job I wanted, a better opportunity would not have come to me a year later, which propelled my career.

Sure, you say, that's all well and good to say now, but that goal school could have led to a better career than you have, and maybe a better life than you have.  And that's true.  It could just as easily have led to worse outcomes, though.  Maybe I wouldn't have had what it took to thrive at that school, and could have had to transfer.  Maybe I would have met and married differently, and now be divorced, or unhappy, or struggling to keep work and family aligned.

I don't look back with regret at disappointments though, ever since my wife made a comment when we were struggling with one of our sons.  When I commented that I wished his behavior was different, she calmly said that to wish that was to wish we had someone else's child rather than ours.  That was profound to me; it also said that to wish some facet of our past was different is to wish that we were not the people we are - to wish that we were someone else.  Maybe some people think that way, but I don't.  

I am who I am, and so are you; disappointments and all.

GF Day 12: the Constitution (and those who serve it)

Today, I feel grateful for our system of laws in the US, embodied by our Constitution, and the people who work to serve it every day.

In this time, when there are forces trying to weaken our system of government, calling into question the basics tenets of our democracy and claiming the right to overturn elections because they did not result in the outcome they wanted, our Constitution and our laws stand firm.  They are bedrock principles that will continue to serve the people of our country, but only if they are strongly defended.

And that is why our system of government, three branches in equal standing, works.  It remains to be seen, perhaps later this year, if that system will stand up to forces who may attempt to defy it.  After all, every government only stands if the governed permit, and the members of each branch put the country above the person.  When a sect, even a previously formerly powerful one, attempts to break the balance of power, there are two possible outcomes - the sect is shunned, or the system breaks.  I, for one, hope for and count on, the former.

GJ Day 11: Dad-isms

My father and I didn't get along all the time.  Most of the time we were fine, but when we disagreed, we fought as our family does - loud, in each other's faces, and when done, family and friends again.  Debates in our house were frequent, and outsiders (including my wife) didn't always understand how we could go from yelling at each other, loud and volcal, directly to sharing some dessert after dinner like it didn't even happen.  Our arguments weren't intended to be personal; they were intellectual pursuits, well, at least for Dad and I they were.

But were times that Dad would throw out a zinger, one that would sting for a bit, but would stay with you for a while.  What sticks with me most these days were a few of the sayings (rarely original) he used more often with me.

"Jack of all trades, Master of none"

"If it's worth doing, it's worth doing for Money"

"I may hate what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it"

"You have a right to swing your fist, but your right stops at the point of my nose."

These were just a few of the things Dad would say to me; pearls of wisdom, often delivered right at the worst time for me to hear them, but the times I probably needed to hear them. And I didn't always understand them when he said them, but only on later reflection ('cause I rarely wanted to ask him what he meant if one of these on-liners ticked me off).

It is on later reflection, though, that I got what he was trying to say, and how he had a philosophy about him that may not have been complete, and all too-often echoed what he heard on the radio, but it was his, and it shaped not only his life, but mine as well. 

Dad passed nine years ago today, and I miss him. 

GJ Day 10: Weight Watchers (and some friends from long ago)

I think I've written about this before, but gratitude is sometimes about looking back.  Specifically, back to January 3rd (or so) 1996, when I weighed in at my all time high of 264 pounds.  It was the start of a 'biggest loser' weight loss contest, and even I didn't realize how large I had become.  

Enter a few women I worked with who had decided to join weight watchers (few of them needed it, mind you), and instructed me in the basics of how the program worked.  It was the start of a life transformation for me, and for my wife, that we continue with today.

WW is a great program, that is liveable for the long term, and allows enough flexibility within an eating plan, while providing incentives for changing your eating habits for the better.  At least it was at the time, 'cause I'm still following the old program that I learned back then, even though the program has changed since then.  

That said, it's still up to the person to execute well, and pay attention to what's going on nutritionally.  the program served me well for years, but I can tell when I've stopped focusing on it, and when I've gone back to the discipline.  My wife, who is much more disciplined than I am, has stayed faithful to the guidelines, and I'm sure that if you compared my weight fluctuations to hers over the years, it would show.

WW gave me a new lease on life, that enabled me to engage in other facets that would not have been available.  I don't think I would be the runner that I am, or have the energy that I do, without having found a nutrition program that worked for me.  Indeed, I would likely be plagued by health issues today, like diabetes or heart disease, that I've managed to stave off because I got my nutrition and exercise under control back then.  

And for that,  I am very thankful.

GJ Day 9: Technology

I know what you're probably thinking, that this is in praise of computers (most people who know me might think that), but this is a bigger thought for today.

I could say that I love technology, but that's not really what I mean.  It's not today's high-tech, like smartphones, satellites and videoconferencing.  It's technology in general, and the human capability to create that underlies our society.

Remember, the wheel is technology; indoor plumbing is technology; trains, planes, electricity, building materials - these are all creations born from the application of the human mind to a problem.  And technology builds on itself - from the wheel, to the cart, to the wagon, to the train, etc.

And technology isn't just about things, but ideas as well - philosophies, forms of government, and societal norms and how we communicate them - heck, even communication is a technology that we developed.  

Sometimes we think that we are living in the ultimate age - the pinnacle of human endeavor; I say we are just at the beginning.  The continued application of thought, both individual and collective / collaborative thought, will continue to bring advancements in knowledge, morality, and philosophy for years / centuries / millennia to come, eventually not even on this planet.  While I'm grateful to live in this world where disease is rare, medicines are widely available, communication can be instantaneous with anywhere in the world, it's only just beginning.

GJ Day 8: In Praise of Procrastination

Why put off to tomorrow what you could do the day after?

Not may people think procrastination is a good thing, and 90 % of the time, I would tend to agree.  But in the other 10% of the time, I recognize procrastination for what it can be: time to reflect.

I'm a big believer in something that the founder of my company said:

"All the problems of the world could be settled easily if men were only willing to think. The trouble is that men very often resort to all sorts of devices in order not to think, because thinking is such hard work." - Thomas J. Watson

That's what led to my company's motto: Think.

And for me, procrastination - the delay in engaging on a topic, or doing a chore, or reaching out to someone, is frequently a way for me to turn over an issue in my head, to let the 'batch processing' of my brain work on it while I do other things.  

The idea of an obligation lurks in my head for a while when I'm putting it off, and often enough, when I finally sit down to do it, the issue turns out to be easy.  It's not necessarily that it was always easy, but rather that my brain figured out how to do it when I wasn't looking.

Last weekend, I finally decided to install new lights in my basement.  It's been on my list for a while now (weeks, actually), in part because there was one section that I didn't know what I was going to do.  I was likely going to have to move one power box to another area to get the light I wanted, but that was in a cramped spot, and I wasn't going to able to move something in the way.

I would see that spot every time I used my basement, stare at it for a while, and walk away, shaking my head.  Finally, last weekend, I'd had enough, bought the parts, and decided to tackle the job.

As soon as I went downstairs and looked at the receptacle I had to move, *bang* , I knew exactly what had to be done, how to move the receptacle to a more open spot and get the light I needed.  I didn't suddenly become a genius, but all that time, I had the issue working in the background, so that when I needed it, the answer came.  

Had I started on the project earlier, I would have struggled, would have made different (and in retrospect, very poor) decisions, and might've been disappointed in the outcome.   Putting it off (in this case) worked out.

That's not to say procrastination is always good - indeed, it more often is not.  But when the problem is tough, and the timeline is open, giving time and space to an idea, by ignoring it, can work out.

GJ Day 7: Jelly Beans

If you need an explanation, you don't understand.

GJ Day 6: Running

 It's funny to be writing about a love of running today, as today, running did not love me back.

I'm injured - this morning, while on my run, I pulled a calf muscle.  Normally I would just walk home, but this one was deep and big (which means painful).  I actually had to call my wife and have her come pick me up 2 1/2 miles away from our house, 'cause I didn't want to damage myself more hobbling the way I was.  As I write this about 12 hours later, it still hurts, But the feeling I had as soon as it happened was not really one of pain, but one of loss.  I knew that this was going to sideline me for a week or two, and coming back to running would be hard.  

I've been a runner for a bit over 21 years now, having run my first race in 1999 when my wife was pregnant with our son.  Back then, I really didn't think that I would come to identify myself as a runner and an athlete - I thought that first 5K was going to be a 'one and done' situation.  But I got the bug, and with a motivational employee, I started running longer and longer, topping out at 50K ultramarathons and half-Ironman triathlons.  

Like all loves, there was a time when the flame burned bright, when running was almost all I would talk about.  I would listen to podcasts, read magazines, join in interview shows and follow the sport, as well as doing actual running and racing, eventually putting on my own race because no one else had one where I lived.  But also like all loves, passion fades and is replaced by a comfortable, nurturing relationship, a dependence on the other (an imperfect metaphor, as running doesn't really need me....)

And that's where I am now.  I look back and I am grateful for what running has brought into my life.  I'm grateful to Dan, who got me to run my first half marathon and marathon.  I'm thankful to Steve, Kevin, Chris, Nigel, Angie and Trevor, and a host of other runners who host podcasts and build communities around our sport.  I'm grateful for the day that my wife was late for a bus, and had to run home during a walk, deciding that this 'running thing' I do was pretty cool.   It has changed my life for the better, and given me more than I could have expected.